Hi everyone, this is special guest columnist LeBron James. I play of Miami Heat. I am barely read! Here are a bunch of links about me, LeBron James, and stay tuned for a sneak peak of my new cartoon “ProStars,” where Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson take a break from crime fighting to talk to each other at length about how great “King” LeBron “the King” James is. There are live action video bumpers for commercials. In one, Bo says he “knows” LeBron! LOL
I hope you like the basketball I’ve performed. Love, LeBron James. [dictated but not read]
Sports
LeBron James Spends Over $100,000 In Night Club – …complete with the receipt. This seems like an extravagant, arrogant thing to do, but it turns out the “night club” was a Six Flags and LeBron was just trying to order a burger and fries. [Urban Daily]
Anti-LeBron Billboard Erected in Chicago – As someone who spent a few years being made a “witness” by Cleveland’s obsession with colossal billboards, I appreciate Chicago’s efforts, even if it barely makes sense and looks like it was put together with the clip art and fonts available to the fat lady in Human Resources. Chicago! Beat LeBron! We have no opinion on the rest of the Heat. Love, Billboard. [Hoop Doctors]
LeBron James is a Turncoat SOB – Just kidding, this isn’t a piece anywhere. Well, I mean, yeah, it is, but I’m not linking to any specific one. [Every Website]
Game On! The Untold Secrets and Furious Egos Behind the Rise of SportsCenter – One of the worst parts about growing up and writing about sports on the Internet is finding out that everyone who has ever worked for SportsCenter is a complete dick. I used to wake up early in the morning to watch highlights and thought they were a bunch of cool funny guys who liked sports. Turns out they are monsters! [GQ]
Not Sports
Britney Spears ‘Mentally Incapable’ of Testifying in Court – I wish the Spears family would realize that being rich and trashy doesn’t make you a goon, it just means you get to do whatever you want, and the stuff you choose to do sucks. If the Fear Factory-loving girls I went to high school with had a hundred million dollars, they’d shave their heads and get married as a joke, too. Hell, some of them do that already. [Superficial]
New Supercut: Pretty Women Falling Down – In a continuation of the “Britney Spears is a mental reprobate” theme, here’s a vide of a bunch of pretty women collapsing. There was a three-year period there where Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff were falling hilariously into local trashcans for my amusement in every movie with a commercial. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of Twitter’s #BinLadenPornTitles Hashtag – Insert your own “Osama been ____in’!” joke. Osama Bin Humpin’! Osama Bin Performing Basic Sexual Tasks! It goes on and on. These people are funnier than me, so read their efforts. I barely know what a hashtag is. My blog should be canceled. #freaksandgeeks [Uproxx]
The Smithsonian Has Begun Archiving Internet Memes – We need to go surrealist with this news and turn “Abraham Lincoln’s Hat” into a meme. Hey look, here’s Rick Astley wearing Abraham Lincoln’s hat! No Sad Keanu is wearing it! Now the Lobster Dog! Oh no, John Wilkes Booth has broken into Dog Fort! F**k you, Smithsonian, now you’ve been archiving Internet memes for years! [Fark]
