The first round of the NFL Draft is Thursday night in Philadelphia, and all eyes are on the Cleveland Browns. The Browns have the No. 1 and No. 12 picks in the first round and have been rumored for potentially trading up from 12 to get back into the top 10, trading down from 1 to slide further into the top 10 and collect another late first, or maybe they’ll just stay where they are and make their two picks.
As a Browns fan, the NFL Draft is the biggest day of the year. Each year, the draft brings the rarest of commodities to Browns fans: hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, this will be the year that Cleveland doesn’t screw up an early first round pick and/or manages to land the quarterback of the future. The elusive, 18-year long quest for a quarterback in Cleveland continues with the 2017 Draft where the Browns are reportedly weighing their options with their first round picks and the likes of Mitch Trubisky, Patrick Mahomes, and others.
No one knows what the Browns might do in the first round. They’re talking to pretty much everyone about a possible trade, so who knows what picks they’ll actually end up drafting at on Thursday night.
According to @MikeSilver, the Browns have talked to 3 teams in the top 8 about moving up from 12. #NFLDraft pic.twitter.com/eVxzhLHgYz
— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) April 25, 2017
The Browns want a quarterback. Hell, they need a quarterback. They currently have Cody Kessler, Brock Osweiler, and Kevin Hogan as their three-man depth chart. That’s a really good depth chart if you’re trying to go 9-3 in the Pac-12, but it’s not especially great for an NFL roster.
The Browns always miss on their quarterback selection in the draft, usually because they trade to the No. 22 spot for Brady Quinn or Brandon Weeden or Johnny Manziel. Seriously, Browns, if you trade to 22 again this year and take a quarterback with little upside I’m going to lose my mind. But how can they fix it? How can they avoid missing out on Dak Prescott or Derek Carr or Russell Wilson or Joe Flacco or any of the other quarterbacks they’ve passed on over the years?
By drafting all of the quarterbacks.
This isn’t an especially good quarterback draft which means it would be the most Browns thing possible to make this the year they take all the quarterbacks in hopes that they get one to stick. So, that’s what I’ve imagined here, a scenario in which the Browns mortgage the future by trading so many future first and second rounders that they are able to land the top 10 picks in this year’s draft to select 10 quarterbacks.
Is this stupid? Oh yes, but so is every mock draft, really, so why not get really weird with it. Without further ado, here is your 2017 Browns NFL Draft first round mock.
1. Cleveland Browns — Mitch Trubisky (UNC): He started 13 games at North Carolina, leading them to marginal team success. He’s perfect. He will start intermittently for three years in Cleveland, compiling a 12-15 record before being traded for a mid-round pick to be the Cowboys backup. Go Browns.
2. Cleveland Browns — Deshaun Watson (Clemson): He has championship pedigree. He has torched Alabama in two consecutive national title games, and for some reason we continue to pick him apart. The Browns will cut him first after one rough day of mini-camp. He will be picked up by the Texans and lead them to three Super Bowl titles.
3. Cleveland Browns — Patrick Mahomes (Texas Tech): He’s a real gunslinger. Just plays like a kid out there. At Texas Tech, he was Brett Favre if Favre was given the offensive system equivalent of football cocaine. He gets to the last week of camp and gets cut, where he’s signed by the Giants, learns for three years under Eli Manning and then takes over, and finally ends the dynasty of the Deshaun Watson-led Texans in the Super Bowl.
4. Cleveland Browns — DeShone Kizer (Notre Dame): I’ve long been enamored with Kizer’s talent, but I fear Brian Kelly might have killed his confidence. Going to Cleveland won’t help that much. He will make the roster, splitting time with Trubisky for two seasons before being released in the offseason. After being a backup for seven years, he will eventually see a career resurrection in Seattle once Russell Wilson retires.
5. Cleveland Browns — Davis Webb (California): “He looks like a quarterback.” It’s my favorite thing people say at the draft. That means he’s like 6’5 and white. I guaran-damn-tee that gets said by someone on draft day about Webb, because, guess what, he’s 6’5 and white. Webb gets cut in Week 4 of training camp.
6. Cleveland Browns — Brad Kaaya (Miami): I still believe in Brad Kaaya. He should be so much better than what he was at Miami. This makes him a perfect Browns pick. He gets relegated to third-string duty for four years in Cleveland before he’s picked up by New England and flourishes once Tom Brady finally retires at age 47.
7. Cleveland Browns — Joshua Dobbs (Tennessee): “He’s this year’s Dak Prescott.” Probably not, but people will try to tell you this. If you have watched Tennessee football for the last three years, you’ll probably tilt an eyebrow at the people telling you Dobbs is going to suddenly flourish in a league where throwing windows are tighter. I’d bet real money that Dobbs is an actual pick of the Browns on Day 2 because of this comparison.
8. Cleveland Browns — C.J. Beathard (Iowa): C.J. Beathard’s one of the toughest people I’ve ever seen. This dude got routinely lit up at Iowa and just kept trotting out there to take more licks. That’s a good (or maybe bad) quality to have as a Browns quarterback. He will amass more concussions than completions in a Cleveland uniform.
9. Cleveland Browns — Chad Kelly (Ole Miss): Swag Kelly! You can fall in love with his arm talent real easily, but he is the latest in a long lineage of Ole Miss quarterbacks that you just can’t trust to make good decisions (love you forever, Dr. Bo). Kelly lasts two weeks at training camp before trying to fight Trubisky and gets booted. He eventually becomes an All-Pro in Minnesota.
10. Cleveland Browns — Mitch Leidner (Minnesota): Remember when Todd McShay tried to sell us on Mitch f*cking Leidner as a first-round talent last year? Goodness gracious. Leidner is really, really not very good. I watched a lot of Minnesota football last year, because I love punts and midday Big Ten football more than most anyone, and let me tell you, this isn’t your guy. I’ve said there are some very Browns quarterbacks in this year’s draft, but Mitch Leidner is the MOST Browns quarterback. He will be on their practice squad in 2017.
11. New Orleans Saints — Myles Garrett (Texas A&M): Garrett goes on to set the NFL’s all-time sack record in New Orleans. He sacks Mitch Trubisky in his first meeting with the Browns in 2019, spraining Trubisky’s right AC joint. Trubisky is never quite the same. The Browns never finish above .500 during Garrett’s career.
105. Pittsburgh Steelers — Cooper Rush (Central Michigan): Rush becomes the second-best quarterback from this draft, behind Watson, when he takes over for Roethlisberger in 2018. His career record against the Browns is 17-1.
