02.18.09 10 years ago 11 Comments

The NFL Combine starts today in Indy, and for those who think the combine is just some offseason wankfest for diehard football fans would do well to realize that four or five little tests at this thing can either atone for or nullify a player’s entire body of work on the field. But now with Under Armour as the presenting sponsor for this year’s combine, each player invited will be getting a batch of UA gear with a retail value of about $900. From Darren Rovell:

Here’s what they get:

    1 Under Armour Combine Bag

    3 UA Metal apparel pieces — short sleeve compression, sleeveless compression and short sleeve loose shirt. All are personalized with position and number on the front, with the last name on the back. (UA says the compression shirts have the lightest fabric weight of any shirt on the market at 3.5 ounces.)

    1 Travel suit, personalized with number and position on jacket.

    1 pair of customized combine shoes (weigh 8.5 ounces, designed for NFL combine with footing for lateral, linear and vertical drills).

    1 pair of UA cleats, 1 pair of UA slides (sandals), 1 pair of UA running shoes, 1 pair of UA trainers, 1 Fleece Crew top and bottom, 1 pair of Metal Compression shorts, 1 pair of Heat Gear Leggings, 1 pair of Micro-shorts, 1 pair of Combine short [sic]

How could anyone expect these guys to be professional football players without any complimentary drugs or firearms? Sure, some guys are naturally punchy and shoot-y, but there’s a bunch of guys that still need to develop those skills. But surely everyone in the combine is an expert on degrading women. There are some things you just can’t teach, I guess.

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