Playoff football never really disappoints, does it? Sure, not every game is a masterpiece — Chiefs/Texans, for example, was just a boring Texas slaughter. Packers/Redskins started strong with a safety (!) and another DeSean Jackson bonehead non-touchdown, but eventually Washington fell apart as we all remembered that they never once beat a winning team this season and they were champions of the horrible NFC East.
But those other two games more than made up for it. Steelers/Bengals was… it wasn’t a football game. It was a transcendent experience. At one point, we were treated to A.J. McCarron vs. Landry Jones in a playoff game. Vontaze Burfict took out Ben Roethlisberger and intercepted a pass to keep the Bengals ahead in the final two minutes, and then he ends up being a huge reason why the Bengals lost. The crowd was throwing things onto the field. Coach Joey Porter of the Steelers managed to draw Adam Jones into a penalty to make the final kick even easier. There are a lot of heartbreaking and insane ways to lose a football game, but the Bengals managed to outdo themselves and gave us a meltdown for the ages.
Speaking of heartbreaking ways to lose a football game, the Vikings went with a classic. Play tough, crap football for four quarters, kicking only field goals, then shank the one that matters most. Poor Blair Walsh. Dude was the only reason the Vikings were even in the game, but now all people will ever remember is the shank. It was like negative eleventy billion degrees, too; that football had to be extremely hard to kick. The Seahawks escape the frigid tundra of Minnesota and now head to Carolina, and the stage is set for the divisional round.
But before we talk about that, let’s look at this week’s cartoons! I got two games wrong, but it doesn’t really matter, because the cartoons this week weren’t based on if I got them correct. So, here are the results of the Wild Card round!