No More American Dudes In Australian Open

01.24.11 7 years ago 4 Comments

In case you don’t feel like staying up late at night to watch the Australian Open (which I have no problem doing), some crappy history was made by America this year. Andy Roddick couldn’t win a set against Stanislas Wawrinka (I’m not going to pretend to know who that is or how to pronounce it), as he lost 6-3 6-4 6-4. It’s the first time there hasn’t been an American in the quarterfinals since 1987, and also, for the first time, there is an all-Swiss quarterfinals with Roger Federer and Wawrinka (edit: I’m stupid. See comments.). Psh, who cares about Switzerland anyway?

Let me just take this paragraph to say that I didn’t think watching tennis would be as entertaining as it is. I know there are plenty of people who watch tennis, but if you’re not watching and don’t have to get up early in the morning, it’s worth it to get a couple beers and turn on ESPN2. There aren’t many commercial breaks, and the yelling and grunting is minimized when you watch any mens’ matches. Protip: if you want to watch the womens’ matches and not hear shrieking banshees, mute it and put on some music that fits the ambiance, like Gucci Mane or Three Six Mafia.

I don’t see why more Americans don’t play professional tennis. Think of the perks: you’re always playing in nice weather, the crowds are never very mean, and the players pull in incredibly hot girls. Roddick is married to Brooklyn Decker (NSFW unless your work allows barely clothed girls), my and every other guy’s dream girl, and a search for “tennis WAGs” will find you countless gorgeous girls who are dating or married to many tennis stars. Going through high school and college being called a privileged asshole with no friends would still be totally worth half an hour with the kind of tail tennis stars get.

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