07.28.09 9 years ago 6 Comments

Golf’s Greg Norman has a deserved reputation for never being able to win the big one. Norman implied in a recent stateside interview that one of the reasons for his choke-tastic legacy was the “mental processes” imposed upon him by his now ex-wife, Laura, saying, “[Current wife Chris Evert, pictured] would have instilled a different thought process and I would have said the answer would probably be ‘yes’.” Blaming the wife is great when dishes aren’t done or you don’t feel like hitting the bars on a weekday, but for golf? Not so much. An Aussie paper, aptly named “The Australian,” took Norman to task for the barb, in a way that only people that speak with such awesome accents could:

Laura’s thought processes must have been pretty good during his 88 international tournament victories and his two British Open wins but, apparently, she just got ornery at the Masters, the US Open and the US PGA.

Like the 1986 PGA when Bob Tway holed out from a bunker on the 18th. Bloody Laura. Or the US Open the same year when Norman shot a final-round 75 after leading. The bitch. Then a year later Larry Mize holes out from hell on the 11th, second hole of a play-off for the Masters. Quit playing with his mind, woman. Or in the 1989 British Open playoff when he whacked the ball dead into a fairway bunker. Damn you Laura. via.

It’s worth noting that Norman has been tremendously successful outside the ropes, in wine-making and golf course design, among other ventures. Granted, all of those vocations combined are probably less stressful than holding onto the lead at Augusta. Or any of that other stuff. And oh yeah, he’s sleeps with Chris Evert now. So who’s choking now? Wait, that totally came out wrong…via.

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