Of Course There’s A Watching Paint Dry Championships

Senior Writer

If you’re looking for a trustworthy chap to come paint your flat or fix your lift, look no further than the U.K. website LocalTraders.com, a meeting place for handymen and people with broken crap. But if you’re also looking for a convenient relationship between sports satire and getting your lou unclogged, then LocalTraders.com is also your site, because it is playing host to the first ever World Watching Paint Dry Championships.

And any fan of a sh*tty sports team can appreciate the reason why the site is doing this.

After so many sporting disappointments we’re keen to invent a sport which England can excel at and watching paint dry could be just the thing. Let’s be honest, with England’s recent performances on the football and rugby pitches most of us would prefer to watch paint dry anyway.

BOOM, GUVNA! That’s some ripe commentary right there. As for the rules, well it’s pretty obvious.

Hopefuls must send in a picture of themselves watching paint dry and state the longest time they’ve managed to stare at a wall of drying paint without looking away. We also want to know your favourite paint colour and why.

Entrants don’t need to be physically fit or participate in a vigorous training regime, what’s more important is mental strength, concentration and endurance. Previous paint watching experience isn’t essential, but a bit of practice might help prepare you for the mammoth task ahead.

Um, ok. I watched paint dry for 6 billion hours. Prize, please! Silly English people and their honor systems and extra u’s. We’re going to need a little more than just your word for With Leather’s upcoming contest, “Check Your Plumbing.” Ladies only, contest never ends, 18+ only, void in Wisconsin.

(Hat tip to Oddity Central.)

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