Watching professional wrestling occasionally turns me into Rust Cohle, using evidence to lean the narrative in the direction I want it to go, but I think I’ve found a connection between Russia, professional basketball, racism and WWE.
This is a complex theory, but it all ties together, so stay with me.
1. Lana And (Alexander) Rusev Love Russia And Vladimir Putin
Rusev is from Bulgarian, but now resides in Russia thanks to his association with “The Ravishing Russian” Lana. At Extreme Rules, they started doing a thing where Lana puts up a giant picture of Russian President Vladimir Putin on the TitanTron and goes on and on about how much she loves and respects him.
2. Rusev Only Seems To Beat Up The Black Wrestlers
For the last month, Rusev has exclusively had matches with R-Truth and Xavier Woods. Every week it’s the same thing. He fights one or both of them, throws them to the ground and camel clutches them with a bored, disapproving look on his face. When that feud ended at Extreme Rules, Rusev set his sights on Kofi Kingston. He’s beaten up Kofi twice this week alone.
Aside from a debut against Zack Ryder and some matches against Sin Cara, Rusev’s WWE career has been beating up black guys. And hey, Sin Cara’s skin is brown and he wears a mask, maybe Rusev didn’t know the difference. This isn’t my gag, either … it’s such an obvious trend that WWE’s not-totally-jobber African-American employees have started to take notice:
How do we explain this? Well …
3. Los Angeles Clippers Owner Donald Sterling Does Not Want You Sitting Next To Black People At His Games
Changing gears, Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recently banned from the NBA for life for (among other things) saying he didn’t care if his girlfriend SLEPT with black people, he just didn’t want her associating, sitting or Instagramming with them at his games.
What does Donald Sterling’s racism have to do with Rusev, you might ask?
4. Rusev And Lana Are Clippers Fans
If you don’t want black people at your games, why not enlist the help of a pro wrestler who suspiciously can’t stop attacking black people? This photo from Lana’s Instagram via Twitter shows the pair in full Clippers merch, taking in a game. Courtside access.
So sure, this is all just a joke, right? A funny tying-together of ideas that doesn’t really mean anything. Like, Rusev and Lana being at a Clippers game doesn’t connect them to Sterling, right? There’s no hard evidence to bring this full circle and explain why you’d even THINK there’d be some large, anti-black conspiracy involving a pro wrestling promotion, a basketball team and a nation of —
5. David Stern And Donald Sterling Love Vladimir Putin
Shit just got real.