Ozzie Guillen Is Taking His Talents To South Beach

Pro Wrestling Editor
09.27.11 6 Comments

He learned from the best.

In baseball news you expect, but never really expect:

Ozzie Guillen is expected to become the Marlins’ new manager in exchange for infielder Osvaldo Martinez and a minor-league player, MLB.com reports.

Guillen was let out of his contract with the Chicago White Sox after Monday night’s game. Being let out of his contract meant Guillen was technically free to negotiate with any team, but the club had arranged a deal with the Marlins should they want to bring Ozzie down, and they do. So ends a managing stint that touched every color of the baseball success spectrum, from the blinding violet of a 2005 World Series Championship to the deep, depressing reds of having to deal with the dumb sh*t the Guillen family posts on Twitter.

In case you thought this story seemed too much like professionals deciding to part ways, the Chicago Sun-Times helpfully notes that Guillen asked out of his contract so he could buy a boat. A bleeping boat.

“You know what I saw a couple days ago?’’ he said. “I saw a 62-foot boat. That’s what I want, and that’s what I’m going to get. People have to pay me for that. White Sox? I don’t know. Marlins? I don’t know. But somebody will pay. I want to buy my [bleeping] boat. That’s my inspiration. My inspiration is money. That’s everybody’s inspiration.’’

He had started to pace, ­energized by what he was saying and frustrated by whatever signals he had been getting from the front office.

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

And the pièce de résistance, which should be written on a piece of paper and pinned to his satin Marlins jacket, or at the very least engraved on his tombstone:

“I work in this job for money. I don’t work for nothing. Money. That’s it. The ring? [Bleep] the ring. I don’t even wear my [bleeping] rings. I don’t.’’

Good luck in Miami, Ozzie, with your gigantic boat and not five, not six championships. The AL Central will be a much less irrationally emotional place without you.

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