A Few Words From Papa John Schnatter On The Louisville Cardinals’ Victory

“Papa” John Schnatter is, of course, the founder of the Papa John’s pizza franchise, and he’s a graduate of Ball State University. But as most people already know, Papa John is a huge University of Louisville supporter, as his company holds the naming rights to Louisville’s football stadium. After all, Ball State has the Cardinals and so does Louisville, so it is what it is.

Schnatter was at the NCAA Championship men’s basketball game on Monday night in Atlanta, and as you can see in the image above (via BroBible), he had an absolute blast supporting his favorite team and 2012-13 NCAA Champions, the Louisville Cardinals. A lot of people have been bagging on Papa John pretty hard because he appears to be either intoxicated or having a stroke in that photo, so I wanted to clear the air on his behalf, as he issued this statement to me right after that photo was taken.

LOUISVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE… more like DO-ME-STILL, LADIES! Am I right? So what’s up, bros? The Carninals are the *hic* champions of the world and I’m on cloud nine. YESSSSSSSSSSS I had a few beverages during the game, ociffer, but I didn’t know that I was on trial here. I’m an Amercan last time I checked, thanks Obama, and I’m just essersizing my constitutional rights to SEE SOME TITTAYSSSSSSSSSS. ON THE GLASS, BABES!

Me an my bros here, we’re gonna hit up the Claremont Lounge because I like my girls like I like my crust – THICK and in their mouths. What? You shut up. YO SOMEONE GET ME A COORS LIGHT! FREE PIZZAS FOR EVERYONE! But not Calipari because he’s a f*g and he likes Pizza Hut, right bros? RIGHT BROS? Whatever. I’M F*CKING PAPA JOHN SHATNER! I MAKE PIZZAS AND DRIVE A CAMARO!

Ugh, I don’t feel good… *vomits* oh God that looks like our Hawaiian Volcano pizza. Who puts pine n apples with jallopanos anyway? THIS MUTHA F*CKAAAAAAAAAA. Whatever, you’re drunk. P*ssy. GO CARNINANALS!!!! WOOOOOO! Oh hey, what up girl, I’m Papa Johm.

Also, because it has always bothered me, why have we never seen Papa John and Jay Mariotti in the same place?