Penn State Outlaws Touching, At Least The Kind Neil Diamond Sings About

One of the great sports wishes of my adulthood has been that stadiums and arenas stop playing Neil Diamond’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ all the time. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Following the sex scandal that forever turned Jerry Sandusky from an assistant coach into an expert on love and justice, Penn State’s coughing and slowly hitting the delete button on ‘Sweet Caroline’, because … well, you know.

Here’s one interesting (and probably quite smart) adjustment: Beaver Stadium will not play Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.”

According to the Altoona Mirror, university officials were concerned about the lyrics — “touching me, touching you” — and what it would look like for a stadium full of Penn State fans singing those words.

Hint: it wouldn’t look good. (via USA Today)

Child molestation anthems never stopped ‘Rock And Roll Part 2’ from being played all the time.

It’s still very hard to joke about Penn State. The trick isn’t to joke about what HAPPENED at Penn State or about the people affected, but to maybe start joking about the ridiculous crap that you don’t think about happening when you systematically abuse and cover up the abuse of children because football is more important than human lives … like how the parts of ‘Sweet Caroline’ nobody really cares about are gonna sound awful and ruin the parts we like to sing. Well, look on the bright side … I can think of at least one MC Hammer song that would make a fine replacement.

Oh, and regarding that whole “stadium full of Penn State fans singing happily about touching” thing …

Sorry, everyone.