Slather every available surface with Crisco before somebody climbs it, because the Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl and fans in Philly are losing their minds. We already rounded up some videos of the celebration, but Twitter users were also following the Philadelphia Police scanner to keep abreast of the unfolding anarchy. This has gone past kerfuffle, through hullabaloo, and into riot territory.
Some of the events were recounted in the #PhillyPoliceScanner hashtag.
Things escalated quickly.
Despite everyone’s attempts to prevent climbers by greasing surfaces ahead of time, no lightpole was safe:
It’s going to be hard to prosecute some of these suspects, however…
And yes, so many people climbed on the canopy at the Ritz-Carlton that it collapsed.
That wasn’t the only quotable quote making the rounds:
But let those among us who have never been guilty of doing this cast the first bottle.
And it wouldn’t be a sports riot without some random chain retailers getting vandalized:
Then somebody brought their four-year-old out into this madness (don’t do that) then lost track of her (especially don’t do that). Thankfully, she was quickly found.
Not only were families reunited, but new ones were getting started. Some guy proposed marriage:
Plenty of people were genuinely mad about the whole thing, and not without good reasons.
We can’t have nice things.
If only this tense situation could have been calmed with cola beverages and Kardashian half-sisters.
Best of luck to all first responders stuck in this. You the real MVP.
Please, Philly. Think of the biscuits.
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