Pine Tree Loses Its Nuts

Pro Wrestling Editor
07.27.11 4 Comments

If you’re familiar with our A Guide to Recognizing Your Mascots series (specifically the Northwest League edition) you’re familiar with Eugene Emeralds mascot “Sluggo”, a chatty, lime-green bear with abandonment and voyeurism issues. It should come as no surprise to you that Sluggo has now made National News™ by instructing a child to kick a tree in the gonads because he lost a game of musical chairs.

The moment happened during the Emeralds’ “Blue Balls Night” promotion last month and marred the event, Eugene’s second most popular promotion behind “Cockblock Saturdays”. Two ball boys engage in a game of musical chairs with secondary mascot “Douglas Fir”. Douglas cheats to win, shoving one of the little boys out of the seat at the last minute, and because we’re a part of a weird society that rewards horrible behavior in young people, Sluggo blatantly instructs the kid to boot DF between the roots. The announcers even call it “karma”. Shaking my damn head, Eugene Emeralds.

I think true karma would be for Douglas Fir to die and for those kids eventually suffocate to death because they chopped him down and f**ked their own air supply.

[h/t Off the Bench]

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