02.02.08 10 years ago 12 Comments

We interrupt your regularly scheduled sports coverage to acknowledge Groundhog Day and the thrilling events in Punxsutawney, PA:

The rodent was taken out of a tree stump on a hill called Gobbler's Knob, and delivered his prognostication to William Cooper, President of Punxsutawney's Inner Circle, who organizers say is the only person in the world who can speak "groundhog-ese." Cooper read a scroll containing the groundhog's prediction. It said: "As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me. Six more weeks of winter it will be."

That's sad, Mr. Cooper's Groundhogese mentor must have died, since he's the only living speaker. Not to be outdone, the great state of Ohio has its own animal porknosticator (LOL!):

"Darke County Dave," a local hog, will opine — or oswine — on America's economic outlook on Friday, the Ohio treasurer's office said. In his inaugural outing, Dave will choose between a trough of sugar or one of sawdust to gauge the the economy's future course at the event in Greenville, Ohio northwest of Dayton. Sugar means the U.S. economy will run sweetly, while sawdust…

"Darke County Dave" is just its stage name, the pig's real name is Laura Quinn. Before you start calling people stupid for putting stock in weather and economic predictions made by dumb animals, remember that NFL fans listen to what Emmitt Smith, John Madden, Shannon Sharpe, and Terry Bradshaw say every week. -KD

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