07.03.09 10 years ago 2 Comments

We make up our own Power Rankings every week. It’s a public service to the ass-kicking community.

1. The Greatest Michael Jackson Tribute Ever comes from the CFL. Toronto’s Arland Bruce is officially the greatest living showman in North America. Thanks, Outside The Boxscore.

2. The First Documented Bee Delay. Now we know why the media’s been avoiding San Diego (video here).

3. Stale apple pie. Remember when they were supposed to be the next big thing? Now, one has a show on CBS, one’s a silicone train wreck, one plays poker all day, and the other one is still named “Mena Suvari.”

4. Squinty Ufford on TV. No, he’s not Asian. He’s fighting for our country in the middle of a GD sandstorm. SHOW SOME RESPECT, MAGGOT!

5. Sexy Friday on KSK. More girls in American flag bikinis.

6. Joanna Krupa. Maybe she and her sister could meet you in the kitchen and make you a sandwich.

7. Italian swimmers with trap-door swimsuits. If they’re letting it all hang out now, what do they do after midnight?

8. The travails of Deadspin. Here‘s the latest; maybe you care. I don’t. It’s a three-day weekend, people. Save the drama for your mamas.

9. Trick shots that aren’t really trick shots. There’s something about watching a kid wander around the gym at the Y shooting halfcourt shots that makes me feel good about myself.

10. Bacon. Bacon didn’t do it!

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