Prophet David E Taylor Predicated Super Bowl XLVIII Using Dreams. Really, Really Badly.

Like any good apostle, David E. Taylor believes a lot of things — “love is the key to living a happy life,” “you can literally meet Jesus at one of my ticketed events” and “you should put on chain mail and start carrying a sword because these are the end times” among them. He also believes that dreams are direct, life-leading messages from God Almighty and that information received in a dream should be taken as fact and shared with everyone else. You know that weird moment where your wife dreams about you cheating on her and gets mad at you in real life? TOTALLY LEGIT.

Part of that is knowing that if someone you know dreams about the results of an upcoming sporting event … say, the Super Bowl … you’re obligated to share that info Back to the Future II Sports Almanac style. Squire Dave put on his best white blazer and announced a 24-21 Super Bowl XLVIII win for the Denver Broncos.

Uh, sorry, believers, he’s not really “abreast upon football.”

The video itself is hilarious and full of amazing quotes like,
“The score was 24 to 21. Now I’m not sure how accurate those details are, I’m just stating them.” YEAH YOU ARE. Four touchdowns to three! Aaaaand then the damn thing starts with a safety. Thanks, God.