01.05.09 9 years ago 9 Comments

Most of you remember Dan Clark as “Nitro,” the ravishing musclehead from the original American Gladiators show. Clark, who serves as a consultant for the newer incarnation of that show, is now doing publicity for his memoir, titled Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption, which I guess recounts the ten minutes of his life that he was remotely well-known. Doing a publicity tour like that has to be great fun, especially when you’re rehashing the time of your life that you grew breasts and your testicles shrank from steroid abuse.

“I hate[d] taking off my shirt. For photo shoots, [I’d] wet my nipple with spit . . . [to] look firm instead of hanging down.”

As he shot seven seasons of “American Gladiators” from 1989 to 1996, he pleaded with the wardrobe stylist to make him a new uniform, but didn’t tell her it was “to hide my budding breasts.” He eventually underwent reduction surgery.

Clark, a former LA Rams defensive lineman, used steroids for 20 years. They also took their toll on his private parts, so much so that he embarrassingly had to explain to women what was going on. “My [balls] never really regained their size. They’re kind of shriveled,” he sadly told one bedmate.

Nitro? More like Micro! High five! I can’t believe that guy was on steroids. I just thought he had great genetics and a solid workout program. I wonder how effective that “I’m on steroids” excuse really is in the bedroom. It’s surely better than “I’m a blogger and am morally opposed to exercise.” Girls always hog the blankets, anyway.

[NYPost via GameOn, whose balls are always large and firm]

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