Kirk Cousins is officially the Washington Redskins’ starting quarterback, y’all! Now everyone go home, nothing to see here. This is surely the end of all drama involving Robert Griffin III, who will now humbly take his place on the humble bench to be a humble backup QB. In the press conference announcing his decision on Monday, head coach Jay Gruden sat Cousins on the QB1 pedestal in no uncertain terms:
Even though Gruden said that Griffin is still in the league’s concussion protocol, so no decision has been made between he and Colt McCoy over who is in the No. 2 spot, he denied that Griffin’s health had anything to do with the decision:
After Gruden spoke, Cousins himself took the mic for the first time as the officially anointed starter, and said the expected platitudes about how he needs to continue to earn his way, feels blessed with the opportunity, yada yada yada. BUT KIRK, WHAT ABOUT RGIII?
After Kirk’s time at the podium, Washington defenders DeAngelo Hall and Terrance “Pot Roast” Knighton were asked about how they’re coming along under new defensive coordinator Joe Barry’s scheme — nah, they were just peppered with questions about the quarterbacks, which DeAngelo clearly did not enjoy:
And then Knighton said one of the most charmingly misguided and hopelessly naive things one might say about the Redskins/RGIII debacle:
Oh Pot Roast, those horses have already left the stable. Apparently, Trevor Matich brought up the Kardashian analogy for Knighton to shoot down, but, as far as NFL teams go for similarity to the first family of reality TV, Washington is the obvious choice. No other team has every single statement, no matter how inane (and they are inane), scrutinized and pearl-clutched over to the point where words lose meaning and nobody can say anything of substance.
And remember, this is the end of the story and there’s no possible reason for anything to change. Drama’s over, everybody. We can all stop talking about the Skins now. Let’s flip over to D.C.’s local pages. Anything new happening there?
Have a great season, Kirk!