10.06.08 10 years ago 14 Comments

Roman Abramovich, the shady Russian billionaire who owns soccer powerhouse Chelsea, is building his fourth yacht, a $400-million armored fortress with helipad, deployable submarine, floating harbor (aka “well deck”), and missile defense radar.  At 550 feet long, it will be the largest yacht in the world.  And also the awesomest.

The yacht will include radar equipment designed to warn the crew of incoming rockets, together with bullet-proof windows and armour plating on the bridge and around the 41-year-old Russian tycoon’s cabin.

There will be twin helicopter pads and anti-bugging equipment, while the crew of 70 will include former SAS and Special Boat Service personnel… Abramovich’s yacht will also have cabins for 24 guests as well as a cinema, aquarium, disco and hospital.

And an arena for monkey knife fights.  Stripper pole in every room.  24-carat gold toilet.  Plus a secret sub-basement for torture/bondage sex or the imprisonment of meddling journalists, rogue federal agents, captured assassins, and various personal enemies.  And hey, who’s to rule out torture/bondage sex with imprisoned meddling journalists and captured assassins?  International waters, baby.


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