06.21.07 11 years ago 32 Comments

How awesome is professional lacrosse?  Well, the Rochester Rattlers realize the inherent connection between Borat and Rock, Paper, Scissors tournaments, so that should tell you everything you need to know.  Of course, they can't actually say "Borat," which makes the promotions even awesomer.  By which I mean crappier.

J.D. Oxford's will host the Bud Light Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament with "Kazakhstan’s favorite citizen." The winner of the tournament will receive a Bud Light Zone 8 Pack of tickets to the Saturday, June 23rd Major League Lacrosse game between the Rattlers and the Philadelphia Barrage… The Rattlers will host their own Bud Light Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament on Saturday, July 14th at PAETEC Park…

On Saturday, the Rattlers will honor the glorious nation of Kazakhstan. All citizens of Kazakhstan will receive a free ticket by showing their passports at the box office. Anyone dressed up like their favorite Kazakhstan citizen will get a buy one get one ticket offer.

I recommend that everyone in the Rochester area attend.  We have to support pro lacrosse.  It's the only sports league that employs men who grew up in expensive private boarding schools in the Northeast, and if they lose their jobs they'll have to go back to their old neighborhoods… we can't sentence them to a life of crime on the mean streets of Martha's Vineyard.

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