Not Everyone Successfully Navigated The Annual Running Of Patriots Fans

ESPN’s Michelle Steele is on the scene at New England Patriots training camp, where the team begins to hone its craft of cheating and slicing into rules to gain advantages over law-abiding franchises. Every year, a bunch of men and women who want to get first crack at watching a team that ignores the rules line up early and run through a gate to capture a good spot, as evidenced by the above video.

It’s quite the scene.

I don’t have any of these four signs but I wish I had the one on the far right:

Is it possible Roger Goodell had Harambe assassinated, perhaps as an intimidation tactic to keep the Cincinnati Bengals from complaining about the Pittsburgh Steelers too much? Hey, anything is possible. I don’t see Goodell denying it, do you?

Back to the video. Let’s focus on the actions of the very large man on the bottom right.

  1. I admittedly don’t know the etiquette involved at Patriots training camp, but isn’t this cheating? And, because it’s cheating and it’s at Pats camp, is it just accepted? Lauded, perhaps? If not, what are the actual rules? Is it movie theater seat-saving rules? Or is it more like boarding a Southwest Airlines flight and this is frowned upon?
  2. Is the man dead? At the very least, did he knock himself unconscious with the slide? You see it all the time when a player gets hit in the head and the lights go out. Their arms stick up in the air. Does this man need medical attention?
  3. Based on height and wingspan, he must be saving seats for four to five other people. That’s excessive. If they wanted it so badly, they should have been there with you.
  4. Why wouldn’t you want an attractive woman to sit next to you?
  5. The woman here seems to think there’s enough room for her to sit but then she runs away. This man has mastered the art of repelling people from his seating area.

Sports fans, man. Thanks for reading.

(Via Twitter)