07.25.07 11 years ago 23 Comments

Russian biathlete and four-time Olympic gold medalist Alexander Tikhonov was convicted of an attempted assassination, then was immediately freed.  In related news, Russia is fucking badass.

Tikhonov, who won gold medals in the 4×7.5-kilometer relay at four Olympics from 1968 to 1980, was charged in a plot to poison Aman Tuleyev, governor of the Kemerovo region, in 2000… However, he was immediately freed under a general amnesty passed by the lower house of the Russian parliament in 2000.

And that's all the article mentions about how he's not in jail right now.  General amnesty?  For what?  For everyone?  For Olympians?  For unsuccessful murder attempts?  Fucking A, MSNBC, tell me the relevant statutes so I can figure out where I can go to poison people.  I mean BESIDES going in and applying for a job at Taco Bell.  I'll have you know I already have a job.  At Jack in the Box.

(Pictured: Failed poison attempt target Rasputin, also known as the "Mad Monk."  Or, as I call him, "Pretty Much the Coolest Dude Ever.")

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