Ryan Lochte may have been robbed at gunpoint during the Rio Olympics. He may have lied about being robbed at gunpoint. Getting to the truth is not as important as setting up the situation so you can understand all the jokes that are forthcoming, so let’s do that.
Lochte claims he and three other swimmers were robbed by men dressed as police (or maybe police) while riding in a taxi. Rio police ordered Lochte to remain in Brazil until an investigation could take place, but he had already left. The other three swimmers — Jimmy Feigen, Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz — remained behind, with Conger and Bentz being removed from a flight by authorities on Wednesday.
This is when the jokes started. Lochte may be a very good swimmer, but Lochte Twitter is the Michael Phelps of Twitters.
First, you have your jokes rooted in the idea that Lochte is sort of an idiot.
US diplomat: Ryan, this is serious. We need to ascertain what happened.
Lochte: (giggling)
US diplomat: What is funny?
Lochte: ASS-er-tain.— Kevin Van Valkenburg (@KVanValkenburg) August 18, 2016
COPS: Nothing Ryan Lochte says makes sense.
PRESS: About the robbery?
COPS: Robbery?— Mike Scully (@scullymike) August 18, 2016
I think Ryan Lochte thought his wallet got stolen because he couldn't see it and he hasn't developed object permanence yet.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/davelozo/status/766093090222374912
That last one is my personal favorite.
Then there was the inverse of the premise, which is Lochte is actually a diabolical genius that used the perception of his stupidity to pull off the crime of the century.
https://twitter.com/BobbyBigWheel/status/766098982464610304
USOC officials arrive at Lochte's room to ask him not to leave town right away pic.twitter.com/AOXg0GheXQ
— David Steele (@David_C_Steele) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/davidehrlich/status/766125409603874816
https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/766100544893120512
Look, all I’m saying is that “Dumb as hell swimmer who travels the world for events” is a REALLY good cover for an international jewel thief
— Brian Grubb (@briancgrubb) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/TelcoAg/status/766124287015030787
Then you have the jokes that go right to the core of the story, that Lochte lied about the incident.
Dear haters, ACTUALLY Ryan Lochte was robbed by Manti Te'o's college girlfriend so get off his back.
— Travon (@Travon) August 18, 2016
Ryan Lochte's passport says Fausto Carmona.
— Batting Stance Guy (@BattingStanceG) August 18, 2016
"Good Evening. I'm Ryan Lochte." pic.twitter.com/dARII8OoQ8
— Danny (@recordsANDradio) August 18, 2016
Overall, the Lochte jokes were so good and varied that most can’t be categorized, although you knew Harambe would be mentioned in at least one of them.
https://twitter.com/owillis/status/766099920654835712
Then you have your meme-based and more photo-driven laughs.
"Did you get robbed?"
"Jeah"
"Well the Brazilian Government would like to talk with you." pic.twitter.com/svR2fyXLUw
— Nathen Vieira (@NathenVieira) August 18, 2016
Just acquired this photo of Ryan Lochte going through security at the Rio de Janeiro airport pic.twitter.com/J8nQulSBm3
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/_Zeets/status/766120730945662976
I am wasting my life pic.twitter.com/2TY2C9rEPD
— matt ufford (@mattufford) August 18, 2016
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) August 18, 2016
EXCLUSIVE STATEMENT FROM RYAN LOCHTE: pic.twitter.com/o0ju8HuXW4
— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) August 18, 2016
Finally, it’s just a collection of very good jokes that can’t be easily categorized.
Honestly, now would be the perfect time to actually rob Lochte
— myles brown (@mdotbrown) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/ashleyxholcomb/status/766099666165465088
Maybe Ben Affleck can Argo Ryan Lochte and his swimming buddies out of Brazil.
— Mike Ryan (@mikeryan) August 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/766113953353179136
If it turns out Lochte filed a false report, I look forward to people bringing up the case every single time a man says he's been robbed.
— Caitlin Kelly (@caitlin__kelly) August 18, 2016
