Sports

Here’s Your SEC Championship Prediction In The Form Of A Baby Elephant Vs. A Dog

It’s the season of college football predictions. And chances are just about all of them are going to be wrong except yours because you are the smartest college football fan of all the fans. I’m proud of you, and you deserve a trophy. We all deserve trophies. Trophies are freaking awesome.

I’m not making any predictions this year, even though I made a lot of them in my time at SI. I never really minded making them. They were fun. I didn’t take them too seriously. I was wrong a lot, but sometimes right too, and that’s kind of neat when that happens. But this year I decided to pretty much stay away from them, especially in print, and enjoy the words other people wrote as well as enjoy my life more in general.

It’s been an extremely long and difficult few months for me, filled with a lot of life changes, and I’ve tried greatly to change my outlook and approach on things. That includes being a better person, being less hard on myself, taking time to really explore the things I like doing, being a better friend, and being more proud of my accomplishments. I’m back in therapy. It’s great. It was a long time coming, and even though there are some things I wish I could have fixed beforehand to keep some other things from happening, those things have already happened and it’s important to look forward and make sure I don’t do those things anymore.

I can safely say I’m entering this college-football season with a much better plan of attack, and if it means people don’t get to yell at me for being wrong about who will win the Big 12, then so be it. Concessions must be made for the good of happiness. I’m secure in that. And I look back at where I was even six months ago and can’t believe how much progress I’ve really made.

Anyway, this video is still predicting the SEC Championship. It is a dog playfighting an elephant, and the only explanation as to why is because these people are huge college-football fans and wanted to see the Dawgs play the Tide in Atlanta.

The Tide looks a bit tentative early, trying to feel out the Dawg(s), and as you can clearly see behind Nick Chubb and the rest of those talented Georgia backs, the Dawg (and yes, I know it’s not a Bulldog, I get it) has terrific ground speed that will be tough to keep up with.

That’s when the Tide starts charging, and we all know when Saban gets mad, his team kicks it into a higher gear. That puts Georgia on its heels a little bit, and even with that improved defense, I’m still not so sure the Dawgs can handle Alabama at its full attack. That’s why the helper has to step in to make sure everyone is okay.

At one point, the elephant even throws some dirt on itself. If that’s not a metaphor, I don’t know what is.

So there you have it. Bama is winning the SEC. And probably the National Championship. And this is scientifically proven, unless of course we can find a way to make a sentient Buckeye and blow it up to the size of an elephant. Which is very well possible. That giant talking Buckeye is still better than any other quarterback in the Big Ten not already on the OSU roster and is somehow still fifth on the Ohio State depth chart.

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