There’s no point in burying the lede or being cute with this opening paragraph — Serena Williams thought her dog’s food looked delicious, ate it, and gave herself what is apparently a tremendously bad bout of diarrhea.
“Let’s fast forward two hours,” she says in her Snapchat story at E! Online, finally giving some purpose to Snapchat we can all understand. “I just ran to the toilet like…I thought I was gonna pass out. It did taste weird. I force-swallowed it.”
If you’re like me, you’re asking yourself: “Why would one of the world’s most famous and successful athletes post a video of her sweaty self confessing to spending a great deal of time on a toilet after eating her dog’s expensive hotel food?”
The best theory is because she probably hasn’t felt this sick in a long time and she’s currently playing in a WTA event in Italy. She has to feel a little worried about her chances of winning her next match, and what better excuse is there for losing than “I couldn’t stop pooping after I tasted my dog’s salmon meal?”
“I don’t think it’s consumable for humans,” she said. “They should’ve wrote that! So now I feel really sick. It was just a spoonful. I really don’t feel so good…I guess tomorrow when I step on the court, I’m gonna look svelte.”
Serena is scheduled to play a round of 16 match against fellow American Christina McHale at the Internazionali BNL d’Italia on Thursday. If McHale wins, she can thank a dog that eats $18 gourmet meals in hotels for the assist.
If you’re feeling embarrassed for Serena, remember that feeling when you find out she got a $5 million endorsement deal from a dog food company and another $2 million from a laxative brand.
Update: Williams beat McHale 7-6, 6-1 to reach the quarterfinals.