Depending on how much you've been abusing NyQuil recently, you may remember that Lions defensive tackle Shaun Rogers was accused of sexual assault at his and my favorite strip club, The Players Den on Joy Road. (Sheesh, strippers get so bitchy when you show up backstage with a gun and fondle them.) Anyway, congratulations go out to Shaun, as all criminal charges have been dropped — hey, that means the Lions' playoff hopes are still hahaha. I couldn't finish writing that. The Lions in the playoffs. That's rich.
Unfortunately for Shaun, the exotic dancer in question is now filing a civil suit. I'd write more about it, but right now it's just at the "lawyers sending letters to each other" stage. But it should be a slam-dunk payout for the accuser. In a study conducted by my penis, strippers make excellent witnesses. They always tell the truth, especially when they say they're going to college and how turned on I make them. Why yes, I will have another dance. I never liked that $20 bill anyway.