Shaun White Continues To Live The Life That None Of Us Shall Never Ever Have

Shaun White is a rock star. He’s 26-years old, a global snowboarding icon, gold medalist and worth millions upon millions of dollars. He’s even been known to trash a hotel room, an act which got him his first-ever shred of negative attention back in September, and people barely ever talked about it. Why didn’t anyone care? Because when you’re a young, long-haired “extreme” athlete, people expect you to be wasted, cause ruckus in a hotel, pull fire alarms and get punched while trying to escape. That’s the gosh-darned American celebrity way of life right there.

Oh, and the other reason nobody really talked about it? Because everyone was still so busy freaking out over the rumors from the 2012 Summer Olympics regarding White dating super duper model Bar Refaeli. Seriously, people were going nuts over that, like, “How the hell is that gorgeous super model dating that redheaded dude?” as if he was the real life version of Rocky Dennis. Gee, I sure do wonder why that gorgeous woman was attracted to the young, famous, wealthy, confident millionaire. Some mysteries were just meant to never be solved.

As for that pesky September incident in Nashville, White has since completed his “alcohol treatment” – I’m sure he’ll never touch the stuff again – and the judge dropped all charges, as long as he completes 24 hours of community service. And if that sounds unfair, just remember that Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes have been treating Los Angeles as their own bumper car track for several years to very little punishment.

But the reason that I’ve even mentioned White in the first place is because he recently bought a new crib on a private beach in Encinitas, California for $3.85 million. While that price tag might seem steep, it’s worth noting that he had a half million knocked off of the original asking price and his latest endorsement deal with GoPro probably paid for the whole thing.

So the moral of the story is if your child tells you that he wants a Nintendo for Christmas, get him a snowboard or a football or something that will help him make millions of dollars before he turns 30. Anwyay, you can check out what his new place looks like. Just mentally remove all of the boring, ugly stuff and imagine it all replaced with naked models.

(Crib images via Zillow.)