You know how there’s always at least one person on a rec team—yours or otherwise—who turns out to be an ultimate bro? You know, the one that probably could have played college ball but is instead lighting up average joes on a Tuesday night? Well, this guy puts them all to shame.
According to GQ, teenager Brian Garruto of Cleveland, Ohio, was recently kicked off his rec league team for a laundry list of hilarious violations. The infractions range from simple (“refusing to wear shinguards”) to the funny (“running into goal while hiding ball in shirt”) to the amazing (“scoring 14 goals in a game”).
Garruto deleted the tweet, but screen grabs have been found containing the amazing violations:
Personal favorites include “giving birth to soccer ball after scoring”, “wearing natural light tank top as uniform” and “you followed all rules this week.”
And then there’s “red card” there, all by itself. No explanation. Nothing. What wso bad, given the context of literally everything else listed, that it earned Garruto a red card? Was it truly unspeakable? Either way, homeboy put on another jersey like was a modern-day fake mustache and monocle, and tried to get back out there. Have to admire the hustle. Game respect game.
Granted, playing against this guy was probably awful. How can anyone have fun when they’re getting owned by a dude who should probably be playing Division I? Still, the image of this guy wearing a Natty Light shirt and holding a banana while schooling these chumps for 14 goals in a game is too much. Well done, American hero.