07.25.07 11 years ago 14 Comments

Allow me to introduce you to the Festival of the Babes, an honest-to-God soccer tournament:

It may be one of the best-kept secrets in women's sports: an international all-girls game in which the players drink beer on the pitch, do body shots between halves, and kiss the referee after each game. Once a team is ahead by five points, every subsequent goal requires the leading players to doff an article of clothing, sometimes leaving the field resembling a women's steam room – only with more sweat and athletic cleats on every pair of feet. Now in its 17th year, Festival of the Babes is a global gathering of “soccer-playing lesbians and women willing to be mistaken for lesbians…

The craziness includes draping the most intense players in feather boas, shooting the referee with a squirt-gun, replacing the soccer ball with a beach ball, and bringing tequila shots onto the field for reinforcements.  According to organizer Myra Lavenue, there are even times when matches are halted altogether in favour of playing an old-fashioned game of spin-the-bottle.

Deep down in my heart, I know that most of these women are heavyset and have fauxhawks and wear thick-framed glasses and flannel shirts.  But it's been a long day so I'm gonna just pretend it's gonna be just like this photoshoot (NSFW).  Seriously, chicks getting drunk and making out was pretty much the only thing that could get me to post again before tomorrow.  Today was basically Misery without the crazy nurse.  Good: no hobbling.  Bad: no free painkillers.

[The Offside

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