Some Iowa Baseball Players Are Being Haunted By A Ghost That Steals Panties

I’d like to start off by saying that this is my favorite story of this year.

As an avid viewer of Ghost Hunters, I do not so much believe in ghosts as much as I believe in the hilarity of people who believe in ghosts and those who accept “Ghost Hunter” as an actual profession. That said, some Iowa Hawkeyes baseball players recently had a “Paranormal Activity Support Team” examine their house because some strange things had been happening, and they believe that they actually have two ghosts occupying their old home.

[Trevor] Kenyon, along with five other members of the Iowa baseball team and one club hockey player, recently learned they might not be the only ones living in their house on North Dubuque Street. A local paranormal-investigating task force claims to have confirmed the residents have two spirits in their house. One, an older, grandfatherly figure — whom the guys have named “Tim” — roams the halls and rooms of the three-story house. Another, a younger girl, stays put in one particular room of the house.

“We’ve lived here over the past two years,” junior pitcher Aaron Smit said. “But over the past few months, we noticed things getting a little bit weird. We had a kid in here who thought he saw a ghost — a shadow in a form of a human.” (Via the Daily Iowan)

And so goes the same old story that people usually tell, including things moving around in the night, strange noises and even a creepy old man showing up to tell these whipper snappers to run, “THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED, THERE BE SPIRITS IN THESE HALLS!” or something to that effect.

But forget all of that nonsense, because the lede has been buried in this fantastic tale of the dark side.

And on two separate occasions, girlfriends of players have had underwear removed from them while sleeping, even though they were wearing pants. Each time, the undergarments were discovered in another place. Smit said the list “sort of goes on.”

Adding: “And one time I woke up and Boner was banging my sister and I was like, ‘Bone-dog, W-T-F, bro?’ And he was all, ‘Huh, wha? I must have been possessed, dude.’ And then Dirty Dave came downstairs wearing my babe’s bra and he had a pickle in his ass, and we all laughed and were like, ‘Damn son, Tim punked you!’”

In the defense of these young scholar-athletes, though, the team of ghost hunters did indeed determine that there were two spirits living in the house, but they are friendly and do not mean to cause anyone harm. They just really like removing your girlfriend’s underwear. Oh, and I have $10 that says at least one of these guys has walked a girl out in the morning and then said, “She got slimed.”