Someone Held A Candlelight Vigil For Alex Rodriguez Because This World Is Doomed

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Alex Rodriguez

In case you haven’t been following the news of Alex Rodriguez and his suspension appeal with Major League Baseball because you don’t give a flying rat’s ass about the troubles of a guy who is paid close to $30 million per year while using performance-enhancing drugs, it is quickly approaching full-blown circus status. Hell, with this latest news, it may have already reached it, because while this isn’t the first time that it has happened, A-Rod’s supporters actually threw him a candlelight vigil to show that no-good MLB that they are firmly behind the man whom they believe is the “face of baseball.”

Of course, there have been reports that these protesters – mostly from the organization Hispanics Across America – have been paid to show their support, whether in the form of cash, free food or Rodriguez’s autograph. But they’re there nonetheless, and A-Rod took a break from thinking that anyone would believe that he accidentally took steroids to thank them for their kind words and prayers.

“I’m sorry if I haven’t acknowledged you, but I want you to know that I truly care, and I truly appreciate the fact that you’re here for me. You don’t know me, but my mother, my children, my family, my friends, we all appreciate the fact that although they’re not here, they know that you’re here. My community. My people. I’m Dominican, and I love you all.” (Via CBS New York)

Meanwhile, the HAA is run by a man and Rodriguez fan named Fernando Mateo, and he was the subject of a New York Daily News piece on Wednesday that is definitely worth the read. But if you don’t have the time to check it out – hey, that Buffy the Vampire Slayer box set isn’t going to watch itself – here are some of my favorite excerpts.

Mateo, wearing a blue No. 13 Rodriguez T-shirt and sporting a neck brace, also talked about his alleged altercation with a security guard Tuesday. He claims the female guard threw hot coffee on his chest, resulting in him being admitted to New York Presbyterian-Weill Cornell Medical Center. He was discharged Tuesday and, according to his lawyer, Sanford Rubenstein, “has filed a complaint at the appropriate precinct.”

“He is fully cooperating with the police authorities with regard to this investigation, and will cooperate with the district attorney’s office if that becomes necessary,” added Rubenstein.

While the neck brace is absolutely my favorite part of this bit, here’s the kicker:

Rubenstein would not say whether his client will file a lawsuit, but Mateo played a video of the incident on his computer for reporters, although it is difficult to discern if he has a legitimate complaint. Mateo wouldn’t show reporters where he was allegedly burned on his stomach — “I’m not burned. It was hot but I had two layers of shirt,” Mateo said.

Wait, what does Mateo do for a living again?

“I’ve become a great beggar, a master at begging people to make donations,” he said.

I hope that’s not on your business card, buddy. And what about all of those signs that A-Rod’s supporters have been holding that look like they were written by the same two or three people?

Sergio Rodriguez (no relation to A-Rod), HAA’s executive director, told The News that when the group began protesting this week, somebody realized they had no posters, and had one of the supporters run to a supply store to buy poster boards and markers. After A-Rod left MLB offices Tuesday, one supporter was seen leaving the Park Ave. site with all the posters rolled under his arm.

Okay, what about the message of those signs? The “No Justice, No Peace” and “Randy Levine is the Devil!” rhetoric and all.

“Randy Levine should resign,” said Mateo. “Shame on him. Who gains to benefit from all of this? It’s about being fair.” Mateo would only say he was “using my common sense, what the Lord gave me,” when asked what evidence he had on Levine.

Ah, the ol’ gut feeling. I mean, I have a gut feeling that Jeffrey Loria is a self-righteous scumbag, but if somebody asks me about it, I’ll at least offer up some stadium funding numbers as an example. This Mateo guy is walking into the middle of someone else’s battle with just finger guns while shouting, “PEW! PEW! PEW!”

But for the sake of this circus playing out for our best (and most hilarious) interests, I hope that Rodriguez wins his appeal and is able to play next season, so we can see Mateo turn into Joe Flaherty in Happy Gilmore and wind up murdering the former superstar for never making good on their dinner at Sizzler.

(Banner via Getty)

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