Spain Striker Pins Success On His Skin-Tight ‘Incredible Hulk’ Shirt

07.02.10 8 years ago 3 Comments

This man has deluded himself into thinking he has huge muscles.

Spanish back-up striker Fernando Llorente has come off the bench to energize Spain in their run for World Cup glory, and he’s attributing all of his ‘chaos sowing’ to the shirt that kind of makes him look like the Incredible Hulk. This shirt doesn’t have any special effects like tiny nipple clamps that send surges of electricity to fire up his pressure points or a man training bra, no all it does is allegedly intimidate his opponents by making his pectorals and company extra bulgy so that his enemies cower in fear when his thunderous footsteps enter their realm of kicking, like a fighter jet with Roseanne Barr painted on the side.

My question is, if the shirt’s so good why hasn’t it earned him a starting job?

One of the secrets of the success of Fernando Llorente’s physical playing style is a skin-tight shirt that makes him look like The Incredible Hulk, according to the powerful Spanish striker.

“Everyone was laughing because (the shirt) was very tight on me and I looked like Hulk,” the 25-year-old said in an interview published on Friday by sporting goods maker Adidas.

“But I feel very comfortable with it and it also helps my physical performance,” he added. -Yahoo! News

Physical performance? Don’t you mean wind resistance? Whenever I played soccer in my younger days I was always the smallest person on the team so I always had a t-shirt that simulated the feeling of an extremely inept parasailer. In that situation I blamed my shirt for my shortcomings. The lack of any sort of discernible soccer kicking talent was always secondary. Now excuse me as I scour my house for that graduation shirt I received for passing the fifth grade. If I turn into Gourmet Spud you can blame the shirt.

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