Sports, Illustrated: In Celebration Of Alex Morgan’s Body Paint Bikini

Because our hearts pump normal, human blood, we have a little crush on Western New York Flash forward Alex Morgan. Because we follow sports closely (and have Kate Upton Google Alert boobytraps set up on every corner of the Internet) we know that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue goes on sale tomorrow, and because God is looking out for us, Alex Morgan appears in said issue wearing a painted-on bikini.

Our friends at SI Hot Clicks were kind enough to leak the photo and an interview snippet on Friday. From that interview, a condescending question with an awesome answer: What was more intimidating: posing in bodypaint or taking on Japan in the World Cup finals?

Morgan: I have been playing soccer my entire life. I know how to stay calm and not get too nervous for games. That’s why I would have to say posing in bodypaint was a little more intimidating. It was a completely new experience and definitely took some getting used to before I felt comfortable in bodypaint. I had to look in the mirror every five minutes to make sure I actually had a swimsuit on.

I’m still not entirely sure why the SI swimsuit issue exists. For the longest time I thought maybe female sports fans who subscribed to the magazine used it as a shopping guide of sorts to keep abreast of the latest bikini fashions, but then they started just dumping paint on ladies and glitter-gluing sand to their boobs and it lost me. I mean, it found me on a personal level, but it lost me intellectually.

Oh, and before I ramble on too much, here’s Alex Morgan wearing absolutely f**king nothing:

It’s like a Magic Eye. Trust me, I’ve been staring at it long enough.