@Storytime: Giants Public Relations Invites You To Re-Build Its Ass

We’ve all been there. What started as a healthy discussion has deteriorated into whoever disagrees with you quoting three paragraphs of your text and dissecting it line by line, sending you into a furious hand-jive that ends with namecalling and hurt feelings. A few days later people are posting “lol this thread” and everybody involved ends up looking stupid, so you shake hands and move on with your lives. That’s a big part of Internet culture (anonymity + discussion platform = saying things you regret), but hopefully not a lot of the people Fire Joe Morganning your thoughts are spokesmen for an NFL Team.
Enter: Pat Hanlon, New York Giants spokesman and budding trollface.
The summary of last night’s events, via Pro Football Talk:

Some of that perception remains, but Giants spokesman Pat Hanlon has been doing his best to blur those lines one tweet at a time. He regularly mocks the Jets, and took to Twitter Wednesday night to counter the perception from Giants fans the team is falling apart.

What follows is a tweet-by-tweet rundown of what a professional spokesman thinks constitutes “countering a perception”.

“I found Def Leppard’s album Pyromania to be pyromaniacal”

Pay attention, as “we haven’t even played yet” is an important talking point. Also important: “everything you are saying is wrong”.


Around here’s where he starts challenging people who kind-of agree with him already to fights. “Re-build my ass” is confusing enough, but “I’ve got your re-build” is even more worrisome.

If I’m interpreting this correctly, Pat Hanlon is going to try to murder the Philadelphia Eagles.

And never in December!

How did I get here?
This is not my beautiful wife.

His only two responses to worried fans seem to be “nuh uh, watch” and “the football team is my dick”.

Unfortunately @giantsfooball’s response of “@giantspathanlon yes. No te. Oline reshuffled. Best wideout gone to the beagles. Yes I’d say we are worse.” was not replied to.

“ok sure, whatever joe namath, you know a lot about pantyhose”

The Carlos Mencia response of “Offended? Good, stick around.”

Not even sure what this means. I would’ve accepted “nuts to you” as a response. He’s just turning into a background character from Grease now. “AY I’M GONNA AXE SANDY TO DA DANCE!” “EYYYY SLEEP IT OFF!”

Here’s where he starts to be more openly passive-aggressive to people who agree with him. It soon turns into him yelling at them, too, for some reason.

I’m guessing he couldn’t fit “shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up, YOUR CANDY ASS” into 140 characters.

Never quote the Super Bowl Shuffle in anger.

“No, don’t root for our team!”

It means “stupid people think you’re doing something cool”.

“don’t care”

oh, one more thing

The next morning…

I think that might be a sunset, Pat.