In case you haven’t been paying attention, former WWE superstar CM “Phil Brooks” Punk has signed a multiple fight contract with the UFC. Dana White said that unlike Brock Lesnar, who made his promotional debut against former heavyweight champion Frank Mir (And who had a serious NCAA division 1 wrestling background), Punk will be facing against fighters with similar experience levels. I’m not a huge fan of that idea, so I present the following options for Punk to get in there with and mix things up:
10. Josh “The Punk” Thomson
The only reason I’m suggesting this is because Joe Silva and Sean Shelby have shown that they like putting on interesting nickname fights, like Dennis “Superman” Hallman versus John “Doomsday” Howard and Yushin “Thunder” Okami versus Hector “Lightning” Lombard.
9. CB “The Doberman” Dolloway
Again, this would be another stupid name-based fight, which I’m perfectly fine with.
8. Coty Shannon
It’s okay if the name Coty Shannon doesn’t sound familiar. He’s not in the UFC, and hasn’t had a fight in over a year. Plus, he’s still an amateur. However, Coty Shannon got some notoriety last year when he broke out TWO pro wrestling holds to finish two fights in a row. I’d be down with the Coty Clutch facing off against the Koji Clutch.
7. “Funky” Ben Askren
Ben Askren has legitimate beef with Dana White and the UFC. The dude is undefeated and a champion NCAA division 1 wrestler, yet he was told he needed more experience before White would sign him to the UFC. Maybe have Punk and Funk fight it out on the prelims with the winner getting a guaranteed UFC contract. Perhaps the contract itself could be on a pole. Just spitballin’ here.
6. Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone
This would be an easy fight to hype, the straight-edge savior versus the guy that pounds Budweiser during the post-fight press conference (And pretty much any other time he’s not actively fighting). Also, there’s a nice punk vs country western music thing going on.
MINOWAMAN, known to some mortals as Ikuhisa “The Punk” Minowa, is a legend among weirdo MMA fans. He’s pretty much the most pro wrestling guy other than Sakuraba (And he’s not on the list because Saku is way too old and I don’t want to get sad). Sporting a glorious mullet and bright red speedos, MINOWAMAN regularly challenged bigger opponents with far less fighting experience, so a fight with Punk would be right up his alley.
Maybe the fantastic SUPER HLUK title could be on the line, too!
4. Nick Diaz
While Cerrone is a good choice to pit against a straight-edge guy like Punk, Nick Diaz is an even better option. At any given time, Nick Diaz is more marijuana than man, which is a good enough reason for me to want these two to fight.
3. “Filthy” Tom Lawlor
Tom Lawlor loves the hell out of wrestling, so I think a fight between him and Punk would be a no-brainer. The only question is who does Lawlor come to the weigh-ins and walkout dressed as.
Maybe Lawlor can be indies basketball shorts Punk to really get inside his head.
Oh, and let’s not forget that Lawlor’s been hanging out with Bobby Fish (Who is starting to resemble Tim Kennedy) and Kyle O’Reilly, also known as reDRagon.
2. Jason David Frank
Brandon put JDF’s reaction at 6, but as far as stupid match-ups that can make a ton of money, Punk versus the Green/White/Whatever Ranger is a sure thing. Plus, Frank’s only had one pro fight, which is pretty much what Dana White wants.
1. “The American Gangster” Chael P. Sonnen
Could you imagine these two yelling at each other in the months leading up to the fight? Plus, even though they are friends, Sonnen’s a multiple-time drug abuser, which Punk should tear into him for.
And Sonnen can still be mad that Punk goofed on his ill-advised spinning backfist years ago.