03.19.08 10 years ago 23 Comments

As we all learned in the wildly popular grammar book Eats, Shoots & Leaves, punctuation matters.  For example, a Big Mo is a giant coffee cup that used to be available at Motomarts in southern Illinois.  A big 'mo is someone who's really really gay.  And a Big Mo' — note that the apostrophe comes after — is a gay candy bar emblazoned with Dale Earnhardt Jr's face.

I've seen some good gay journo-porn in my day, but this is the best ad copy porn I've ever seen.

What is Big Mo’? Sure, it’s a candy bar, but it’s also everything that Dale Jr. loves—including chocolate, peanut butter and caramel. Big Mo’ is racing. The way you need it like oxygen, because it’s in your DNA and if you’re not around it, you can’t keep going. Big Mo’ is your buddies. Hanging out ‘til all hours of the night crackin’ jokes, playing pool and just kicking back and having a good time like you always do. Big Mo’ is being true to yourself. When you get right down to it, that’s the only thing that matters—doing what you love because you love it and not needing any other reason.

That's right, no need to keep your love of big 'mos  — oops, Mo's — in the closet any longer.  "Let them fill you up until you sigh in sated ecstasy!  Savor their sweet taste that warms your insides!  It's like sucking on Dale Jr's cock!"  Wait.  Uh… scratch that last one.

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip; see also: on 205th]

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