It’s March. That means everything has to be a tournament, right?
This year, we’re playing along. We’ve built an incredible, incredibly funny community of wrestling fans at With Leather thanks to the popularity of the Best and Worst of Raw and Impact columns, and with WrestleMania fast approaching, I thought now would be the perfect time to organize a reader input fueled, wrestling themed tournament.
So, I hereby formally announce the 1st Annual With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament. Here’s how it’s going to work:
The tournament will feature 32 entries, each one of the worst lyrics from the worst possible kind of music — pro wrestler entrance themes. On one side, 16 lyrics chosen by me, an expert in the field of going “LOL what the f**k did that song just say.” On the other, 16 lyrics chosen by YOU, with With Leather readers. When the entries are decided upon, we’ll pit them against one another in a single-elimination tournament and see which entrance theme song lyric is truly the worst of all time.
What you’ll want to do is drop a comment below nominating your choice for the tournament. It can be a single line or a few lines, but try to stay away from nominating entire songs. If someone has posted a lyric you think deserves a nomination, reply to it with a +1. Next Friday, I’ll add up the nominations with the most plusses-one, and they’ll officially enter the tournament. Got it? Remember, it’s not bad entrance themes, it’s bad entrance theme lyrics. The songs can still be good.
The only other rule is that you read my choices and not duplicate them. Here they are, chosen scientifically:
1. Undertaker – ‘You’re Gonna Pay’
“Nice guys, it’s said they always finish last. But bad asses always kicking asshole’s ass.”
2. Layla – ‘Insatiable’
“I’m insatiable, I can’t get enough. I need to find a boy!”
3. American Males – ‘American Males’
“AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES! AMERICAN MALES!”
4. Rey Mysterio – ‘619’
“Watcha’ gonna do when you’re on your back from my mean body slam? Aww damn, you’re whack.”
5. Billy Gunn – ‘Ass Man’
“I love to love ’em. I love to kick ’em. I love to shove ’em. I love to stick ’em. Love to flaunt ’em. I love to watch ’em. I love to pick ’em. And I’m gonna kick ’em. ‘Cause I’m an Ass Man. Yeah, I’m an Ass Man. Yes, I’m an Ass Man. (OH!) I’m an Ass Man.”
6. Buff Bagwell – ‘Buff Daddy’
“Buff Daddy. I’m Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff is the stuff. Buff…… Daddy. I’m simply delicious. Buff Daddy. Buff Daddy. Buff…… Daddy. I’m so sexy.”
7. Kaitlyn – ‘Spin The Bottle’
“So why don’t you spin the bottle? Spin it right around, but aim it towards me now. Yeah, why don’t you come and spin the bottle? Push it one degree so it will point at me, ‘cause I just want to be your supermodel.”
8. Steiner Brothers – ‘Steinerized’
“Here’s the story of two brothers, Rick and Scott. They don’t use drugs and they’re always on top!”
9. Zack Ryder – ‘Radio’
“I’m gonna drink some beer tonight, YEAH! Gonna get some girls I like. I’m gonna wear my pants real tight. All the girls are gonna treat me … just right!”
10. Sting – ‘The Man Called Sting”
“He does this. He does that! He’s big as a bull and quick as a cat. He looks fine!”
11. Rob Van Dam – ‘The Whole F’n Show’
“Rob Van Dam! The whole F’n show! Rob Van Dam! The whole F’n show! Van daminator! Van terminator! Van crushinator! Van assassinator!”
12. Jesse & Festus – ‘Biscuits And Gravy’
“Biscuits and gravy made me a man! Aw biscuits and gravy made me all that I am. Ain’t no ham-and-egger … something you’ve always been!”
13. Hulk Hogan – ‘American Made’
“He was born and raised in the U-S of A. He’s got to be inspected, he’s US Grade. If you mess with the flag, it’s like a slap in his face!”
14. Steven Regal – ‘Real Man’s Man’
“He’s a man. Such a man. He’s a real. A real man’s man. MAAAAAAAN.”
15. Ricky Steamboat – ‘Family Man’
“Loves his wife and son and does the best he can. The only wrestler who’s not hard to understand. Ricky Steamboat the dragon!”
16. Dusty Rhodes – ‘American Dream’
“If you are black or white, redneck funky, that’s all right! Blue-eyed with a lot of soul, common man has got his goal.”
Let’s hear your choices.