WWE’s Royal Rumble 2013 goes down on January 27, and I think I speak for everyone when I say the best part of a Royal Rumble match is when they herd a wrestler in front of a green screen and tell him to explain off the top of his head why he’s gonna win. Very few things make a wrestling fan feel like a kid again like Hulk Hogan pointing with an open palm and yelling about vitamins in front of a horrible yellow background reading HULK HOGAN.
To prepare for the Rumble, I’ll be putting up a retro Best And Worst report (or two), but step one is the celebration of these promo montages. When the mid-90s hit they went the way of the dodo, but I’ve put together a gallery of some of the best from 89-96. If you only watch one thing, watch the video where swank 1995 Pamela Anderson gets weird voicemail messages from Doink the Clown about how he’s gonna nail her when he wins the Royal Rumble. Hell, even if you don’t like wrestling, watch that one.
Enjoy. If I missed one of your favorites, be sure to post it in our comments section below.
[idea h/t to John Canton]
Royal Rumble 1989. Andre the Giant doesn’t know what time he’s gonna be in the ring, and he knows even less about how to say it!
Royal Rumble 1990, part 1. I want an hour of Earthquake and Dino Bravo just screaming about shit.
Royal Rumble 1990, part 2. You best believe Honky Tonk Man is gonna play all his hits!
Royal Rumble 1991. Stick around for the part where Rick Martel says he’s gonna trow ev’rybotty over da top rope. Also, LOL at the British Bulldog.
Royal Rumble 1992. Repo Man’s “HEY … I’m gonna be in your neighborhood” is themost creeper thing ever. DON’T BE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, DUDE.
Maybe it’s just me, but the Berserker shouldn’t sound like that.
Additional Royal Rumble 1992. Adding Ric Flair to any promo montage makes it better.
Royal Rumble for the SNES. Hey Acclaim, get Mr. Perfect to say “perfect” a few more times, would you?
Royal Rumble 1993. No one can move my Yokozooma!
The Harts discuss Royal Rumble 1994, and how they’re going to win the tag team titles.
Welp, we know how that ended.
The epic Pamela Anderson Royal Rumble 1995 commercial, featuring Jeff Jarrett thinking he could land Pamela f**king Anderson and Jerry “The King” Lawler’s creepy, threatening voicemail. HEY BAYWATCH LADY, HEH HEH etc.
Royal Rumble 1996 via THE SLAM JAM, featuring the new, weirdly-mean WWF and “Scheme” Gene Okerlund. Pretty soon everything would just be about boobs and dicks. Also, ‘sup, JR?