The Best Vicious Football Hit You’ll See This Week: Child Abuse Edition

Pro Wrestling Editor
11.07.11 6 Comments

Video: Coach Delivers Bone Snapping Hit on Middle School Football Player:

This is all you need to know, really.

“The coach decided to put on a kid’s helmet, and so I was picked. It was me and two other kids were picked by the head coach. So, we had to go out there and try to tackle him,” said Alex Androsuk. “The coach has seen the video and said I was faking my injury.”

The injury Androsuk is faking happened when a grown-ass man in a middle school football helmet ran into a 13-year old as hard as he could and broke his collarbone. There’s a lot of laughing in the video, and in a better world this would happen at the end of a montage where the down-on-his-luck coach has finally learned to love his ragamuffin squad of ne’er-do-well tweens and they’re all rolling around on in the grass hugging because sports are great. In a worse world — the one we actually live in — there’s a cracking noise that should have it’s own comic book onomatopoeia and a kid who had to get emasculated before he went home and told his parents what happened. Parents don’t react well to this. They react like you’d think they might.

I feel like things wouldn’t be so bad if the stupid sports thing of “get up, you’re faking/milking it/[genderphobic slur]” had been replaced with something really easy to say, like, “I didn’t mean to do that” or “I’m sorry”, or even “hey everyone help me get this kid with a f**ked-up bone to the hospital because I made a bad decision”. Mistakes happen, right? You rough-house and sh*t happens. Then, somewhere shortly thereafter, decency comes into play. If that doesn’t work, this happens.

He’s now thinking about contacting a lawyer to look into this.

The way it’s phrased, it sounds like an upset parent wanting a middle school football coach to show ass. Here’s a quicker solution: from now on, everybody uses their brains.

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