02.19.07 11 years ago 10 Comments

The San Diego Chargers have filled their coaching vacancy by hiring Norv Turner, a move that send a clear message to San Diego fans, and that message is fuck you. The Chargers administration obviously hates the people of San Diego, because nobody could make such a foolish hiring by accident. It's simply a malicious act, one targeted at wasting a voracious defense and the transcendent talent of LaDainian Tomlinson.

The other possibility is that Norv Turner dabbles in the black arts, and cast some sort of spell on Chargers GM AJ Smith. But I can't believe that, either, because if Turner were a wizard he would have tricked his players into winning more over the course of his nine seasons as a head coach. Seriously, his career coaching record is 58-82-1. In nine years his teams made the playoffs once.

How can you be that obviously bad and still get hired? What does his resume look like? I bet it's just a picture of him wearing a Motorola headset, with an inscription in crayon that reads going 2 tha super bowl aww yeeeah.

"Well, Mr. Turner, I heard that you were a terrible coach, but according to this picture you really know how to wear a headset, and you seem determined to win a championship. When can you start?"

Around The Web