In case you haven’t been paying attention to the Mets since last Friday, these are the scores from their last four games, not counting the one in progress as this is being written:
6-25 @Rangers W 14-5
6-26 @Rangers W 8-5
6-28 @Tigers W 14-3
6-29 @Tigers W 16-9
Something crazy is happening to the Mets, and in the world of the Dugout that’s a more dangerous topic than “Roger Clemens stabbed somebody in the heart and paid to have it covered up”. The job of The Dugout is to emasculate the Mets at all cost, and if they keep playing like this I’ll have no choice but to start posting wistful Dugout retrospectives about them on Faith and Fear in Flushing.
Today’s Dugout follows.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the New York Mets Chatroom. |
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| TrueCollins: okay guys, it’s almost July, and if we’re gonna come back and take the Phillies I think we should play our best and try our hardest! | ||
| TrueCollins: guys | ||
| DudaRightThing: mehhh /picks ass | ||
| DudleyDoWright: /sits in icebath, plays Super Mario 11 | 1.Make it all the way to the end of the world, but somehow manages to fall into King Koopa’s lava pit right before he accomplishes anything. | |
| JayBaysKids: /browses Pirates.com | ||
| TrueCollins: Come on, none of you think we can catch the Phillies? | ||
| TrueCollins: Taylor, we can count on you, right buddy? | ||
| BeltBucholz: sorry skip, on the DL | ||
| TrueCollins: for f**king what | ||
| BeltBucholz: needed to take a nap | ||
| TrueCollins: Ugh. David, come on, put down the vidja games, get in there and hit us some bloop-knocks! |
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| DudleyDoWright: sorry skip, on the DL | ||
| TrueCollins: argh, you too?? | ||
| DudleyDoWright: Yep, factured my back carrying the team for the last eight years. | ||
| JayBaysKids: LOL carrying us where | . | |
| DudleyDoWright: shut up, third place is still up two flights of stairs | ||
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TrueCollins: son of a I don’t hate myself, do I? I don’t want to kill myself, I’m nothing like Mike Quade, why did I take this job? |
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| BeltBucholz: …because we’re the next logical step beneath "bench coaching the orix buffaloes" and "two years of unemployment"? | ||
| JayBaysKids: c’mon, Terry, Wikipedia cites you as a "feisty and intense manager."[3] Can’t you figure out a way for us to win all at once, so we can get over it and move on with our lives? | ||
| TrueCollins: hmmm | ||
| **Online Host** 20 Minutes Later |
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| TrueCollins: okay, each member of the roster gets two poles. Hold one across your shoulders, tie the other one to your belt | ||
| TrueCollins: we’re gonna hang bodies on these poles like a sh**ty talent show act, and every time you score we count it as 7 runs | ||
| TrueCollins: if we score enough runs this way in the next 4 games, we earn roll-over runs we can use to beat the Phillies later | ||
| TrueCollins: SO GET OUT THERE AND WIN ONE FOR THE… person who is important to the Mets! | ||
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DudleyDoWright: YEAHHHHHH /jumps, freeze-frames |
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| **Online Host** Welcome to the NOVELTY MOTIVATED NEW YORK METS CHATROOM, where this has been playing for the last four days |
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| WaitressPleasePhilCoke: /throws the worst f**king pitch of all time | ||
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KeepTheDevilDownInThole: /cranks ball into left field /drives in 11 runs |
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| WaitressPleasePhilCoke: holy sh:t what just happened to my life | ||
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Oxymoron: /draws 7 walks /steals 14 bases moving from first to third |
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| DudaRightThing: /drives in 98 runs with duck-snort, raises batting average 300 points | ||
| TrueCollins: YEAH BE THE BEST | ||
| JayBaysKids: /hits first home run since 2002 | ||
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ReyesAGoodMovie: /drives in 260 runs with a stolen base |
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| KeepTheDevilDownInThole: /defeats Dae Han at tae kwan do | ||
| ItsAhmadMadMadWorld: OOOH A VICIOUS JUMP SPINNING BACK KNUCKLE | ||
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KeepTheDevilDownInThole: /doesn’t finish him off2 /earns brotherhood of murderous Korean |
2.Not because of honor, but because Mets don’t know how to finish strong. | |
| StrikeoutRod: /comes out of bullpen, starts hitting balls like he was related to them | ||
| Oxymoron: /just starts throwing bodies at home plate like he’s playing Pop-A-Shot | ||
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WaitressPleasePhilCoke: STOP IT STOP IT WE’RE ALREADY DEAD |
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| RADickal: /rounds second | ||
| TheAngryInge: /tries to tag him out | ||
| RADickal: /draws broadsword named after something you’d kill in God of War | ||
| TheAngryInge: /craps pants | ||
| **Online Host** The New York Mets have won the game 867-840 |
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| DudleyDoWright: jeez, that still seems pretty close. | ||
| TrueCollins: Yeah well |
