The Dugout Opening Days '12: Miami Marlins

Ozzie Guillen said some bad things. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last, but this one had a little more despot flattering than most, so it’s a big deal.

Of course, we at The Dugout believe in freedom of speech, so if Ozzie wants to say that Fidel Castro is better at skateboarding than Tony Hawk it should be his constitutional right as an American Sports Person Of Interest to do so. It should also be my right to explain why he said it in somewhat-antiquated chatroom form.

So here we are. The Ozzie Guillen Loves Fidel Castro Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout


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Welcome to the Miami Marlins Chatroom presented by Post-it® Brand. Post-it®, for when you need your entire outfield to look like that.

BuehrleBrawl: lol are you kidding, Ozzie’s the best, he’s like a five-eight mound of pissed-off olive Play-Doh, put your thumb in him hard enough and he’ll say anything you want  
StantonDeliver: hahah nuh uh dude’s like 50 years old, he’s not gonna say dumshit because you tricked him into it  
StantonDeliver: he is a grown adult man, not the troll from the billy goats gruff  
BuehrleBrawl: ok, don’t believe me? Watch!


OzzieOzzieOzzie: /stumbles into chatroom with pants around ankles


BuehrleBrawl: do you support Chavez, y/y  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: Not too many people like the president. I do. My mom will kill me, but it’s an honor to talk to the president. Our wonderful, murdering president  
BuehrleBrawl: ok now watch this

wait a minute, did you just say you SUPPORT Chavez? That’s WRONG!

OzzieOzzieOzzie: you think if I supported Chavez I’d be the manager of the Marlins? I never supported Chavez! STOP PUTTING WORSE IN MY MOUTH  
StantonDeliver: son of a bitch  
CiShektion: loool let me try  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: not my fault chavez is president i dunneven know what president is  
CiShektion: urm, so hey how much would you say you respect Fidel Castro, would you say “very much” or “the most”, those being your only two options  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: i love him  
StantonDeliver: /facepalms  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: i respect fidel castro. you know why? a lot of people have wanted to kill fidel castro for the last 60 years, but that lovable f**k is still there  
CiShektion: fidel castro is a brutal dictator  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: is that ok  
CiShektion: LOL NO  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: there is nothing to respect about fidel castro he is brutal dictator I HATE HIM, we live in a community of victims i will not stand until fidel castro is brought to justice or you’ve forgiven me one or the other  
BuehrleBrawl: Ozzie, Fidel Castro is here to see you  
CastroGTX: OZZIE! /enters chatroom on floating shard of wood  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: hey fidel wanna ditch these f**ks an go ride bikes  
CastroGTX: YES  
BuehrleBrawl: ahem  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: im sorry suddenly i dunno who you are  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: i hear about you brutal dictation sry nothing 2 respect about you my family and friend agree it would be worse to live in cuba than to be black an you can quote me on that  
HanleyDown: which part  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: dont quote me  
BuehrleBrawl: lightning round … go!  
StantonDeliver: Kony  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: great with chilren, hot dogs are f**ken amazing  
CiShektion: pol pot  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: 100 percents say marijuana shoul be legal  
HanleyDown: the guys that did 9/11  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: jews or the actual guys  
BuehrleBrawl: Jesus Christ  
HanleyDown: actual guys  
OzzieOzzieOzzie: great teamwork, best ive seen since columbine  
BuehrleBrawl: shut her down, everybody, this was a mistake  
CiShektion: no way, let’s keep going

if we let him keep talking he’ll get fired five games in and maybe the daedric princes who dressed us like this and made us play in this $515 million pachinko machine will have pity and let us go

HanleyDown: all i heard was fired but yeah let’s do that  
Photos link to player info.