Sports

The Fantasy Football Support Group Week 2: So Who Isn’t Injured Now?

It’s hard to talk about the NFL from a fantasy football perspective right now, because in between all of the injuries that went down during Week 2’s games, there was the… other thing. I’m not blind, nor am I deaf or dumb, so I know what’s going on and that there are people out there who A) don’t give two craps about the NFL, let alone fantasy football, when it comes to allegations of child abuse and gross domestic violence, or even worse B) value fantasy football above all else, including the safety and well-being of a child. So when I say that this week was f*cking terrible for fantasy football, please understand that in this situation, I’m referring to the ridiculous number of guys who got banged up and hurt this week, and not the awful accusations facing a growing number of players.

Sorry, just had to address that before we get into the fact that my team is about as worthless as a gym membership for a guy who owns an Olive Garden Pasta Pass.

This week’s big winner was Cajun Boy, who scored 126.16 to defeat Tom Mantzouranis and send him to 0-2 hell with yours truly and PFT Commenter, whose incredibly brilliant draft strategy is simply not paying off yet. Jacob earned the “Pulled that One Out of Your Butt” trophy for Week 2, basically because he had the fortune of playing PFT Commenter, who put up a very gritty 42.94 for the lowest total of the week. Meanwhile, Katie Nolan remains the points bully with a win over my friend and the smartest fantasy football person I know, Ryan Hester from FootballGuys.com, and he’s not too pleased with defenses this week.

Before I started playing and writing about Fantasy Football, I bemoaned the fact that it didn’t translate to what was important in REAL football. So you’d think that I’d be someone in an IDP league or that supported the use of defenses in Fantasy Football. Well, stop thinking, because you’re WRONG.

IDP’s are stupid because middle linebackers from craptastic defenses who are on the field for a million snaps per game are very valuable. Team Defenses are perhaps worse because they incorporate Special Teams too and become very unpredictable. The fact that there’s a segment of fantasy analysis dedicated to “streaming” defenses (or switching every week) tells you that this is an unpredictable mess of a “position.”

In case you couldn’t tell, Katie Nolan’s New England D/ST put up 26 points against me while my Tampa Bay unit facing Austin Davis (seriously, who is that?) only managed 5.

Now let’s take a look at which players did us good and which of these sucker chumps broke our hearts.

You Probably Cried a Little If You Have One of These Guys: Robert Griffin III, Jamaal Charles, Knowshon Moreno, Mark Ingram, AJ Green, Ryan Matthews, DeSean Jackson, Marcedes Lewis… anyone else? Eric Decker, maybe, but he still put up points. It was a really rough week for injuries.

You Probably Lost If You Played Against: Antonio Gates (27 points), Jordy Nelson (26), Darren-f*cking-Sproles (23)

I lost in my main league because Sproles had to go ahead and be the best fantasy RB this week, even though the Colts got absolutely hosed on the no-call for holding when Andrew Luck was picked off in the 4th quarter. Sigh. We choose to play this game.

The QBs Who Did What We Expect Of Them: Aaron Rodgers (28), Jay Cutler (25), Philip Rivers (25), Peyton Manning (21), Andrew Luck (19)

I hesitated including Manning and Luck in this group, because if Manning gets me less than 30 at this point, I consider that a bad game. Luck should be a 20+ points per week guy by now, but he’s still young, so it’s still pretty good that even when he’s not putting up a lot of yards, he’s throwing three TDs. Cutler was the most impressive performance of the week, because he did it all after he took that brutal chest shot against the 49ers. The J-Cutty of old would have curled up in a ball and taken the next three games off, but he shook it off and absolutely humiliated San Fran in the 4th quarter.

The QBs Who Broke Our Hearts: Ben Roethlisberger (7), Tom Brady (9), Tony Romo (11), Brian Hoyer (12), Matt Ryan (13), Matt Stafford (15), Drew Brees (16)

On one hand, it’s a little selfish and greedy to knock a guy for giving you double digits, but on the other, more irrational hand, Drew Brees should be able to put up more points than Derek-f*cking-Carr. It’s frustrating as hell, but at least I’m not a Saints fan who traveled to Cleveland to see this game. *points at Cajun Boy, throws a beignet at his head*

The RBs Who Did What We Expect Of Them: Giovani Bernard (22), DeMarco Murray (21), Arian Foster (21), Alfred Morris (20), LeSean McCoy (16), CJ Spiller (13)

There were some other guys who had huge weeks, obviously, but I don’t know anyone who would admit that he expected Bobby Rainey to throw up 17 points. Knile Davis had 22 in place of Jamaal Charles and Ahmad Bradshaw continued to prove that he’s way more valuable to the Colts than Trent Richardson at this point. Terrance West is making a case to keep the starting gig when Ben Tate becomes healthy, as most people thought he might, but the big story is Bernard. Before we drafted, there was some growing buzz that Bernard was losing ground as the starting RB for the Bengals to rookie backup Jeremy Hill. Funny how that stuff always works out.

The RBs Who Broke Our Hearts: Toby Gerhart (1), Chris Johnson (2), Reggie Bush (3), Matt Forte (3), Shane Vereen (4), Steven Jackson (5), Eddie Lacy (6), Trent Richardson (7), Montee Ball (8)

Actually, I should remove Richardson from this list, because aside from Bradshaw’s 2 TDs, Richardson was actually running very well for the Colts (at least compared to how he looked last season). I’ve read some Tweets and such from people asking advice from fantasy experts about when they should officially start worrying about Lacy, and that makes me giggle. It’s Week 2. I’m 0-2 in two of my three real leagues and I’m not even remotely worried. Now, as for an accurate answer, it’s Week 5. If Lacy isn’t playing well by Week 5, it’s time to start entertaining offers.

The WRs Who Did What We Expect Of Them: Brandon Marshall (22), Randall Cobb (18), Sammy Watkins (17), Dez Bryant (16), Julian Edelman (15), Julio Jones (14), Michael Crabtree (14), Demaryius Thomas (12)

B-Marsh probably pissed a lot of people off by actually playing. For most of Sunday, word was that Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey were unlikely to play, and since they were in the late game, that means decisions had to be made in advance. Then Marshall rolls in and scores 3 TDs like it’s nothing. I’d love to see the statistics for how fantasy football affects blood pressure, because if I had Marshall and didn’t start him on Sunday night, I would have been breaking everything in sight.

The WRs Who Broke Our Hearts: Torrey Smith (1), Pierre Garcon (1), Michael Floyd (2), Terrance Williams (2), Reggie Wayne (3), Roddy White (4), Brandin Cooks (4), Kelvin Benjamin (4), Alshon Jeffrey (4), Larry Fitzgerald (5), Vincent Jackson (5), Keenan Allen (5), Cordarrelle Patterson (5), Victor Cruz (6), TY Hilton (6), Calvin Johnson (8)… okay, I have to draw the line at some point.

It’s safe to say that this was not the best week for fantasy receivers, at least not for that second tier of guys that have a tendency of letting us down, but we always have hope that they’ll suddenly be elite.

The TEs Who Did What We Expect Of Them: Jimmy Graham (23), Julius Thomas (9), Martellus Bennett (9), Zach Ertz (8)

The TEs Who Broke Our Hearts: Who cares? They’re tight ends, they almost always let us down.

Instead, let’s talk about the guys who are blowing the hell up like Delanie Walker, who had a ridiculous 20 points, and Niles Paul with 15. Factor in Antonio Gates playing like he’s 5 years younger again, and this has just been a remarkable two weeks for the TE thus far. Of course, it’s not nearly as remarkable if you’re getting your ass kicked by them.

Share the bad stories if you’ve got ‘em.

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