The Further Adventures Of Kris Humphries, Brottorney At Law

08.17.12 6 years ago 7 Comments

In what can only be described as the most-asinine-but-least-surprising waste of legal resources of the year, the divorce trial between Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries and uber-talented entertainment icon famous person Kim Kardashian has taken the most Franklin & Bash turn possible. Humphries’ attorneys have previously stated that they’re putting reality TV on trial to prove that Kardashian simply used him to make $17+ million off their wedding and had no plans of maintaining their marriage beyond her 72-day period of convenience.

And while the rest of us let out a collective, “No sh*t, Sherlock”, Humphries’ team has taken law to the next level by issuing a subpoena to Kardashian’s boyfriend and humble rapper Kanye West, in order to prove that they had something going on while Kardashian was acting like an honest woman. So how did they serve the subpoena? Bro, you’ll never believe this.

Kim Kardashian’s divorce case is getting uglier by the minute. Her estranged husband Kris Humphries tried to serve her new boyfriend, Kanye West, a deposition subpoena — disguised in a Nordstrom box, The Associated Press reports. And the nasty court battle may drag out until May of next year. (Via Fox News)

And then Humphries presumably high-fived his bros and then laughed while snapping his fingers. In case you’re unfamiliar with the details of this generation’s Roe v. Wade, West started a spat with Humphries by “dissing” him in a song.

“I admit I fell in love with Kim / Around the same time she fell in love with him / Well that’s cool baby girl / Do your thing / Lucky I ain’t had Jay drop him from the team”, rapped West on “Theraflu”, probably clueless to how that could help Humphries’ case. Later, after the Nets re-signed Hump, the overpaid forward “dissed” West back in a Tweet.

“I’m up at Brooklyn! @S_C_ “lucky I didn’t have Jay drop me from the team” lol!”

And everyone else was like, “LOL!” ROFLs aside, we should all be glad that Hump is taking this thing the distance by involving West, E!, NBC, and the entire Kardashian Klan. It’s not enough that he just signed a hefty contract to be a serviceable forward for an arguable contender. I mean, he could just be happy with that and move the f*ck on like the adult that he is supposed to be.

Instead, he’s made it his purpose in life to really turn the screws and rack up the legal fees.

Kardashian’s attorney Laura Wasser accused Humphries’ team of overreaching in the effort that has already resulted in $250,000 in legal fees for the model-actress. (Via CBS News)

Of course, cry me a f*cking river on that. Girl made $17 million on that wedding and then sold all of the presents. Part of me hopes that both of these morons bleed themselves dry in legal fees. But it’s the fact that this thing should be a simple hearing and is instead turning into the next O.J. Simpson trial.

Humphries’ attorney Marshall Waller said the lack of cooperation from West’s attorneys and companies that work on Kardashian’s reality show were delaying the case. He said it could take a two-week trial if Humphries keeps pursuing an annulment based on fraud.

“To say that I’m frustrated would be an understatement,” Wasser said in the packed courtroom where 18 other cases were to be called. “It’s dragging on, it’s clogging resources,” she added.

Several depositions have been taken, including one of Humphries in his home state of Minnesota, and his girlfriend is scheduled to undergo questioning next week.

They’re hopeful – HOPEFUL – that this divorce will be done by next May, which is good because Humphries should have plenty of free time by then.

Around The Web