The Harsh, Unforgiving Prison of Mayhem Miller’s Armpit

Pro Wrestling Editor
08.19.11 4 Comments

I’m an only child, but I’ve seen enough Home Alone movies to know that terrorizing and fighting your brothers and sisters are normal parts of human adolescence. You can put your finger in your mouth and jam it into your sister’s ear or put her in a headlock, and the worst thing that can happen is being swatted at and having the car turned around. Last week, UFC fighter Jason “Mayhem” Miller learned the hard way that adulthood’s version of swatting is “arrest”, and that the adult car gets turned around to prison.

Miller was arrested and jailed for assault after allegedly putting his sister into a headlock and refusing to let go. At first it sounds like a guy beating up somebody in his family, but the details make it sound pretty ridiculous. Via TMZ. Mayhem Miller sister has HEAD VICIOUSLY LOCKED!

Law enforcement tells TMZ, Miller and his sis were at a house party in North Carolina when his sister decided she wanted to take off. According to law enforcement, Jason’s sister claims he wouldn’t let her leave and put her into a headlock.

We’re told Jason’s sister managed to escape and notified the Chatham County Sheriff, who had Jason arrested later that evening for simple assault and false imprisonment. Jason has since posted bail and been released.

“False imprisonment” for a headlock is hilarious. I’ve seen Jason Miller’s headlocks, they aren’t exactly a prison. Calling the cops on your aggressive brother because he didn’t want you to leave a party is like crying sexual harassment when somebody tries to peel a gummy Venus off your ass. Of course, we weren’t there, so the severity of the headlock could be the issue, but I doubt he put his sister in a hammerlock and ripped her arm out of socket because she wouldn’t have another cherry bomb. Regardless, I hope “Jason’s sister managed to escape” means she powered up to her feet and hit him with some elbows to the stomach. Or she backed him in to the ropes and pushed him off.

Thank God he didn’t try to give her a noogie. What would that be, assault? An Indian Burn would definitely be assault. Pink belly, too. What’s a wet willie, attempted drowning of the ear?

[h/t to Cage Potato]

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