05.05.08 10 years ago 51 Comments

Big Brown ran away with the Kentucky Derby on Saturday, taking charge from the outside post and winning by almost five lengths to reel in over $1.4 million for his owners.  Second prize was you're dead.

In an extremely sad day for people who think horses are amazing, beautiful animals, Eight Belles — the only filly in the Derby — finished second (as predicted by KD) and was euthanized on the track immediately after the race when she broke both ankles or forelegs or whatever those horse bones are called.  As you can imagine, PETA is pissed.  PETA also hates jokes, freedom, and orgasms, though, so fuck them.

(Dr. Larry Bramlage awkwardly breaks the news of Eight Belles's death live to millions of people after the jump.)

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