The Rise and Fall of The Morning Links


Video: The Rise and Fall of LeBron James – As a serious journalist on the Internet, I am only interested in the “falling” parts. And honestly the rise was just the one part where he discovers he’s good at basketball and suddenly gets everything he ever wanted. I mean, except that one thing. [RealTalkNY]

Major League Shuffle: Nine Upgrades, Big Names, and Prospects from the Trade Deadline – Burnsy and I are going to start reviewing rap albums. Thankfully I owned a vinyl single of “Nightmare On My Street” and am deeply familiar with the discography of The Fat Boys. But no, click here for baseball stuff. [Smoking Section]

2KSports Gives Us the Virtual Version of Kobe Bryant’s 81 Points – I was hoping some guy had gone to the trouble of recreating the entire game, possibly with commercials, but it’s just shots of video game Kobe shooting jumpers. Still worth your time, especially when paired with The Rise and Fall of LeBron James. [Lakers Nation]

Weddle We Do Now That The Money’s All Gone? – I don’t know, man, just read it. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

With Leather

Video, Photos, Whatever: Kate Upton Milking A Cow – We try to have a strong feature or two on the site every afternoon, but yesterday featured two big ones: Kate Upton. Here we see America’s Best Girl milking a cow, clutching a chicken and making me type the sentence “you should have a little belly if your boobs are that big” more than once on the Internet. [With Leather]

Burnsy’s Bad Advice: Ranking Your Fantasy Football Quarterbacks – Also a great feature (and also featuring Kate Upton, in case you were skeptical) is Burnsy’s Bad Advice, which will hopefully become a regular feature and reeducate me on the game of pro football following my desertion upon the retirement of Dan Marino. If these guys are Kate Uptons, Dan Marino must be Aphro-goddamn-dite. [With Leather]

Women Doing An Awful Job Of Motocrossing – The best part is the very end, when the one lady has Woman’d Up enough to get her bike across the line, and some other lady is crashing and burning into a puddle to the right. Just glorious, no matter how many times you watch it. [With Leather]

“It Ain’t Worth It!” Anti-Sex PSA – David Robinson, A.C. Green and Barry Sanders explain the dangers of intercourse in the most impersonal and 1990s way ever. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Cowboys & Aliens Smurfed The Bed – Got to admit, I’m getting pretty sick of these well-made but ultimately uneventful boy-themed action movies. Like, Captain America was great and all, but I don’t think I need to watch it again because it will be rereleased under a different name 85 more times before Christmas. Can’t wait to see some form of Sh**ty Superman get f**ked by Chipmunk’d, or whatever the hell they’re calling Chipmunks 3. [Film Drunk]

Journalist Outs Ellen Page – Dick move, gay lady. Worth reading for the phrase “stands for her believes” and this amazingly perspective-free sentence: “The comic book team the ‘X-MEN’ always served as a metaphor for an oppressed minority like gay people or Jews.” [V-Generations]

Damon Lindelof’s Terminator Pitch Is Awesome – Every movie should just be built on top of Kindergarten Cop. Cowboys have a penis, Aliens have a vagina. [Gamma Squad]

The Always Sunny Promo Is Fat, As Advertised – He’s fat, all right, but I’m not sure he’s fat enough. Next year’s publicity stunt will involve Charlie Day getting a second speaking voice. [Warming Glow]