The first trailer for The Rock’s summer blockbuster Hercules dropped back in March, and it was so full of him screaming and attacking giant CGI forest creatures that we fantasy booked the fights. “If you hate giant, crudely-drawn, hypothetical beasts and want them to die,” we wrote, “this is the flick for you!”
Now we’ve got a second trailer, and while there is still some computer beast murderin’ goin’ on, this one’s aimed at the softer side of Hercules. He’s got a family, you see. Just like he did in GOD OF WAR! That was him, right? And then they DIE. Because THE GODS. So now Hercules has to understand that A MORTAL MAN TAKING SHIT SERIOUSLY IS MORE IMPORTANT AND STRONGER THAN GOD so he can get revenge … uh, by destroying Hades’ zoo or whatever.
Also, Hercules is totally heterosexual. We cannot stress that enough. He loves women and he loves looking at them. Yes, he his a hugely muscular, hairless-torsoed shirtless man with an animal skin on his head who gives out a lot of wistful looks, but he is all about the babes and you know it. Come for the heterosexuality (cough), stay for hilarious exposition like, “we all know your legend … you’re the son of Zeus!”
