The With Leather Dummy's Guide To The NCAA Final Four

I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.

But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.

How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.

BOOM! That’s still 10 times better than anything CBS analyst Seth Davis has turned in. That guy has never picked anything right, so even guessing one game correctly means I’m smarter. And since the Sweet 16 began, I’m 100% with my picks. Sure, you can go back and look at my picks in my previous Dummy’s Guides and say, “Hey Burnsy, you’re not 100%” but you’ll be lying. You’re lying to me, our readers and yourself.

Stop it.

Now, I’ve become so committed to this year’s tourney action that as I write this, I am sitting at a sports book in Las Vegas. Which one? I’m not sure, because I wrote this before I flew out to Vegas, but still. Use your imagination.

Feel free to stop in and comment and expunge your own knowledge on Saturday’s Final Four action. I’ll be checking in from Vegas to report on the true gambling addicts in their natural habitat, hopefully with pictures (and reward people with free shirts). In the meantime, let’s breakdown some teams.

(Images via Reuters and Getty.)

No. 1 Kentucky vs. No. 4 Louisville

The skinny: This is the matchup that we all wanted, but not many people expected. Obviously, we thought Kentucky would make the Final Four, because the Wildcats are freaking incredible. As Charles Barkley put it, they could probably beat the Toronto Raptors or Charlotte Bobcats. While I don’t necessarily agree, they probably could. Louisville, on the other hand, is a team possessed, and the Cardinals got themselves the rematch that they wanted badly.

What you need to know about Kentucky: In between their two losses this season, the Wildcats won 24 consecutive games. That includes a 7-point win over Louisville on New Year’s Eve. Again, Kentucky is the devil’s team, destined to win on the power of John Calipari’s pure evil.

What you need to know about Louisville: The Cardinals are not nearly as good as Kentucky. But I’ll be damned if they don’t play like they are.

Who should win: Kentucky.

Who will win: Kentucky. By less than 10 again. And it will be close. So sayeth the gods of guessing.

No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks vs. No. 2 Ohio State Buckeyes

The Skinny: The Buckeyes were the best team in the Big Ten this season, while the Jayhawks were technically the best team in the Big 12. No, they were the best team. Screw you, Mizzou. This should be a great game, as both teams have talented stars and balanced offenses, but I don’t think it will be nearly as good as the first game, which is why I’ll probably watch it at the Spearmint Rhino with Jason Whitlock. I just assume he’s always there.

What you need to know about Kansas: Thomas Robinson and Tyshawn Taylor are studs. And that’s coming from a person who hates the word “stud.” Seriously, listening to Jim Rome use it in every sentence makes me want to buy him a Dude Thesaurus.

What you need to know about Ohio State: Jared Sullinger. Seriously, that’s all you need to know. Watch him. Fixate on him.

Who should win: Kansas. I just think they’re more balanced, whatever that means.

Who will win: Ohio State. I feel like this will be the first buzzer beater game of the tournament. We’re being neglected. It will happen in the closing seconds of the last game before the NCAA Championship.