There’s A Tiger Woods Baby On the Loose?

06.14.10 9 years ago 6 Comments

Coming to a television near you is a report that a human exists that is so biologically superior to all of us that she, at her current age of seven, could probably beat most of us at any competition known to man besides the one where we can prove that we are legally allowed to drive a car.

A journalist who helped the golfer hide affairs says he knows someone who has full details of the girl – and DNA evidence.

Neal Boulton added: “There is a lot more to come out. Tiger will eventually admit to fathering a child.”

Rumours about a love child have circulated since dad-of-two Tiger, 34, split from wife ELIN. Theresa Rogers reportedly gave birth to a girl in 2003 and demanded £2million for her silence.

The claims are in Channel 4’s Tiger Woods: The Rise and Fall, on Thursday. -The Sun

What’s the fun in having Tiger Woods procreate if it’s going to be a girl, anyway? Nobody wants another WNBA star. He needs to pop out a fleet of boys so they could all get together and figure out which sport they each want to dominate for the foreseeable future. For that matter, one of them could dominate porn too.

A group of worried parents whose kids keep coming home with black eyes can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Their boys aren’t wussies, they’re just playing Tiger Woods’ kid in dodgeball.

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